Fiance slapped me with prenup 
#23817
19 y
7,587
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One month before the wedding, my fiance of almost 2 years (and 7 years dating) told me he would not get married without a prenup. I am sure he left this for the last minute because he knew I would hate it.
He told me it would be fair and reasonable. When I read it, I was speechless. It is totally one sided and protects only him and leaves me nothing. Everything will be separate, always. Why bother marrying? Why this paranoia and fear (he was married before and had to pay her well).
I took it to a woman lawyer who said this is one of the most unfair prenups she has ever seen. She would never let me sign it.
He made some changes and is sending her a letter, but I am still signing away most of my rights as a wife. He has a business he wants to protect and I understand that, (and would never take away his livelihood), but I think that after marriage everything we both make should be ours.
At a moment where I should feel happy, now I am very sad and stressed. We will probably have to postpone the wedding or even cancel it (if we never reach an agreement).
And he is making me pay for my lawyer when he is the one forcing this prenup on me.
The prenup is 19 pages long and full of tricks. Many of that stuff I do not understand the implications.
My lawyer will tell me what she thinks of his changes. I have to follow her advice, but I feel like I am fighting the man I am getting married, it is an awful feeling.
I don't wish anyone to go through this.
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- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #1409
19 y
7,334
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This is a reply to # 668,789Hi!
I am glad you posted. I wish the best for you.
However, I can't help wondering why do you still want to marry this man.
We already have talked about this. You have gotten very good insights.
What is in your mind?
Did you read this?
//www.curezone.org/forums/m.asp?f=328&i=4735
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup atalanta
19 y
7,274
MoreThis is a reply to # 668,789My advice would be dump him and run. He has no right to do that to you, if all what you say is true. From the story I really see no point in his marrying you, if anything you can just stay b/f and g/f but damn, how much can he love you if he doesn't want to share anything and makes you pay for lawyers. 19 pages? Who is this creep?
He dosen't deserve you!- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,236
MoreThis is a reply to # 668,792Advertisement
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Ok, I am not trying to defend him (Actually I am very mad at him!) but:
1) He has a business and wants to ptotect it from me in case of divorce. Salaried people don't need to do that;
2) He has a child from his first marriage;
3) He was married before and his wife tried to get her hands in his business.
So he has a motive, plus I am sure people advised him to do it. If you google prenups in the internet, all the sites praise prenups! It's amazing!
If I don't sign it, I may be telling him I only want him for his money. Not true because we have been together for 7 years during when he was nearly broke. Last year he had a stroke of luck. But lawyers tell these guys that the nice woman they marry becomes a greedy devil during divorce. So many women sign this because they think the man will think they are gold diggers.
I am so confused because I don't know what is fair and what is not. I have to listen to my lawyer but lawyers want more dispute so they can make money.
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #1409
19 y
7,290
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This is a reply to # 668,795Paulista
You have posted many times about this situation.
It is my belief you once asked if it was right to get married for money.
So, I do not understand what you expect to hear.
Do you expect to listen it looks good foundation for a marriage?
It does not look good.
If you want to get married go ahead, it is your decision. But if you
ask me, I think there are many things wrong in that relationship already.
It is already not fair he brought the pre-nup shortly after the ceremony.
And it looks clearly like he does not trust you. I do not understand how two
people who do not trust each other can get married.
But it is up to you
Best wishes.
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #42412
19 y
7,408
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This is a reply to # 668,795Advertisement
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I don't think you're confused at all. I think you know exactly what is going on. You have this pattern of being angry and then defending him when everyone tells you to dump the bastard.
Either you just like the drama of the crappy relationship or you just want something to keep posting about.
You have recieved numerous posts containing good advice, yet you refuse to take it. How can you keep asking for more and more advice about all the same problems if you're not willing to take the steps to improve your situation?
The bottom line is... If you marry this guy you will have a miserable marriage. He does not love you the way you want to be loved and you know it.
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup atalanta
19 y
7,141
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This is a reply to # 668,797Hi,
It looks like you are looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear. I will tell this to you. Do I agree with it? That dosen't matter.
Yes, you should marry him. Obviously you two are in love since you've been together for a long time. You are not in the relationship for money so it dosen't matter if you sign the pre nup or not. Go sign it, get married, and live happily/unhappily ever after.
:)
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup atalanta
19 y
7,141
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #21676
19 y
7,158
This is a reply to # 668,795Is the issue really the prenup, the fairness of the prenup, or the trust you lack between each other? I don't blame the guy for wanting a prenup given his situation - prenups are actually good for both parties (as long as they are spelled out and fair). What's fair? That's up to you to decide. Is it fair for you to get 50% of his stuff if you divorce after 2 years? Will the allure of having 50% ownership in his stuff actually cause a divorce because you want control over your share (you said he wanted to control all spending) and you are suddenly intolerant of all those things you posted on this forum of him doing that pissed you off?
Look at his point of view. He has to protect himself, his business, and his kid from a possible second divorce in his future. He probably senses all of the issues you posted about him, all of those reasons why you are hesitant to marry. If he is half as unsure as you are about the marriage I wouldn't blame him for insisting on a prenup.
Like the other poster stated, you did post asking if it was right to marry for money, and you even said it might be a marriage of convenience, for money reasons. I'm not saying you are a gold digger, but I'm sure he senses your concern for the same money that he has concern for. You said life will be hard for you financially if you leave him, and hard if you divorce after marriage, so why not just get married and take the risk? Either way you said yourself breaking up or divorce would each leave you broke, so your only option of being financially secure is if you get married to him.Advertisement
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- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup KarenMarie
19 y
7,379
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This is a reply to # 668,799I trust that you're not about the money. You clearly state that. But, might it be the security? Is there something else? Lots of things come along when marrying someone with money or a business.
Don't dismiss "salaried" people as having nothing to protect. I have a pre-nup, but it was more of a disclosure. We both had things to "protect" so to speak so we made a list of "Here's what I have going in, here's what you have going in." We both wanted it and it is really something between us; no lawyers were involved.
The fact that this pre-nup is 19 pages and full of "tricks." Do you really need advice on what to do? I think his message is clear. Also, he's obviously not over his past dramas b/c if he were he'd know in his hear whether or not he trusted you and your intentions.
That's my two cents.
KM
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,277
This is a reply to # 668,806I am still waiting for the lawyer I had to hire to get back to me about his letter to her. She told me she would never let me sign such a one sided prenup and wrote him a letter, to which he responded agreeing to make some changes. He is representing himself because he is very smart with law. I dont know a thing.
I am caught between 2 bad places-if I sign it the way he wants, I will be a half wife. And I will resent it always. If I dont sign it, he can think I was with him for the money (which he knows I was not-only 2 years ago he was broke and I have been with him for 7!), so I wish we find a happy medium, something that is fair for both.
My thought on this was very simple-whatever he and I have until the wedding date is separate property, and whatever we make after the wedding we will build together and will be marital property. Thats what most people with common sense do. But he wants none of the second part. He wants to always keep what he makes separate. We will never merge finances. It is a selfish arrangement. I am old fashioned when it comes to some things and so are most people I know (I actually don~t know anyone with a prenup). Now, he comes with a 19 page prenup full of sentences that are just the opposite of what a marriage is, like -make decisions like a unmarried man-as if the marriage never occurred-the parties shall not be responsible for each other in case of career changes, life changes, etc.
Cmon, this is selfishness and paranoia. I cannot pay for what his ex-wife did to him. He needs to exercise his demons before he commits to anyone. And I prefer to find a more modest guy who sees marriage as a partnership.
BTW, I can support myself ok. I have a lot of equity in my house, and I can afford an apartment. I also have a stable government job. I just don~t make enough for extras and cable TV and dinners out and fancy clothes. But I can survive. it is better than entering a marriage which is not really a partnership and with a man who wants one foot in one foot out because he is so scared of wife number 2 ripping him off.Advertisement
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- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #33542
19 y
7,169
This is a reply to # 668,807I hope he paid for the lawyer you had to hire..
You need to gain some courage! Its either gonna be:
Financial Security BUT WITH Unhappiness, Doubt, Misery, Always wondering what would have happend if you made the right choice.
OR
Running like heck = A chance to find the right person who does not care of the things of this life and loves you more than any buisness or amount of money.
Seems like an easy choice to me. Can you financially take care of yourself?
Make you choice and it will tell you a lot about the person you are.- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,209
This is a reply to # 668,824You are so right 33!
Yes, I found out more lies from him and now I know what decision I have to make:
leave him.
Find someone less worried about his money.
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,209
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #33542
19 y
7,169
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,277
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup KarenMarie
19 y
7,379
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #1409
19 y
7,290
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup Paulista
19 y
7,236
- Re: Fiance slapped me with prenup #1409
19 y
7,334
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