Hey! I noticed the discussion on domestic abuse is somewhat buried, and a few days old, so I thought I'd rekindle the discussion by restarting a thread. Please forgive the double post from below. **********

I think the idea for a support forum along these lines is a great idea! I also like the idea of calling it "Victims of Domestic Violence Support Forum," or something along those lines, for a few reasons.

One is that I second the fact that it is not only women who are abused. Back in 1999 I took a course offered by Domestic Abuse Women’s Network as training to work on their Crisis Line. At that time I learned, interestingly, that while statistics showed less than 2% of domestic violence is women against men, domestic violence is quite common man against woman, gay man against man, or lesbian against woman.


Two, I think that the title "beaten and battered wives" sounds pretty humiliating when it is a subject victims are already too embarrassed to admit even to a best friend or family member.

Three, since the violence in a domestically abusive relationship often does not become physical violence, or at least not obviously so, until well into the relationship, a more general title might be welcoming to victims at all stages in the process.


Since the initial stages of mental and emotional abuse move towards physical as the victim becomes more invested in the relationship, real physical violence often does not occur until the victim is significantly invested in the relationship, and has strong feelings for and dependency on the partner. I think it would be really helpful for people who weren’t yet at that stage to be interested by the title so that they might get educated and perhaps recognized where they are headed before it gets to that point. Maybe “Domestic Violence/ Mental and Emotional Abuse Support” would be a good name. Or maybe someone else has an idea.

One thing I found really useful in talking to people in that situation is the use of an “abuse continuum” and an “abuse cycle” chart. Seeing what you’ve experienced on a chart somehow really helps people connect that what is going on in their lives is indeed not normal. An “abuse continuum” is a chart that starts with the small initial signs of domestic violence and works it’s way in a standard pattern of abusive behavior towards real physical violence. An “abuse cycle” chart explains in a more general way a very recognizable pattern of the cycle itself. Seeing those things can often click on a light bulb for people and help get them out denial and break the cycle of violence. Perhaps those items and a fact/myth sheet at the top of the page or as “Recommended / Newsletter,” might be useful.

If people think that’s a good idea I have some resources I could scan in for it.

Gardeninginthefog