Understand one thing: Your problem is not going to go away by itself. It exists and MUST be dealt with.

In a non-confrontational way, you must take the initiative and deal with it, whether its as simple as getting a bottle of wine and sitting down and talking about you two as an "us" or taking a walk somewhere to neutral ground.

People are selfish, but do not see themselves as selfish.

BTW, if you do not deal with this now, I promise, it will get worse and you might (unfortunately) learn how to deal it by lowering your standards of behavior that you expect from a loved one.

Thomas

When will you gals ever learn, dump a guy if WHILE DATING he is a selfish bastard. Dump him right here and now and quit wasting your time. Selfish now only turns into much more selfish later. IF you women would start dumping losers earlier this world would be a better place!

#9292 I will tell you how it will end...I married "your boyfriend" (his type anyway)!!!12 years ago...I am leaving him soon.

LEAVE NOW!!!
He wasn't that selfish, but always wanted me to do what he wants....etc...he was a religion major...one thing will tell you a thousand!...How does his father treat his mother?

(he will most likely be like his father)...

Another thing:
Does he seem like 2 people?? my B/f was dressy and polite and when I met his parents I was surprised to see the ATTIC that they lived (an attic appartment)..very cheap, his mother did everything...

that is a major warning sign if they want to push one image and you see another one at home...you do NOT get the one they push..you get the "down home" relationship...

Ask his mother (IN PRIVATE) about her realationship with her husband/ his relationship with other women/ take a close look at the type of friends he hangs with (especially those he related to BEFORE he knew you (male and female)...


My husband was a druggy turned christian so I didn't expect much in the way of friends..we met up with one in his hometown....I took one look at him and wanted to run because of the way he looked at me behind my hubby's back....he was divorced also..said his wife didn't want to live in his hometown (very big difference--he (and my hubby) are from leadville,Co...very cold place...she was from Arizona...very warm place..
He was not considerate enough to move to be with her or to find a mutual place. hmmmmm...

I have been married 12 years and still know very little about my hubby's past. Must talk to my in-laws one of these days.

I do plan to leave him (he is nice, but VERY CONTROLLING)!!!

these are some of the signs to look for in any relationship.

email me at thelordshelper@thefreesite.com if you want to email me can't have hubby knowing about certain things...

rationally, i would say. maybe in a letter?
that way you can go over all the points you need to address and they won't dissaper in the heat of the moment?

ask yourself tho, how well do you know him? how long have you had the relationship?

is it a constant selfishness or is he just trying to meet his needs first? are you witholding or have you been a doormat?
what is he doing that is selfish? all the time?

if all the time, then GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
if sometimes then he might just feel like he needs to overstate his needs that maybe he's not getting met or 'feeling' like he's not getting them met?

it's hard to say cause i don't know the whole situation.
a relationship is about the needs of 2.
i've been in controlling relationships where i've actually lowered my standards...it got worse and i got very messed up by it. i am now recovering from it all, keeping out of relationships till i deal with my own needs, rather then putting others first all the time.

most times people get into relationships to meet their needs. it has to be mutual. you still have to meet your own needs a lot tho, no one can do it for you 100%. but you know that.
you need to tell him how you feel, but not in a blaming way..somehow. maybe he just needs you to speak up cause he's unaware of what he's doing.

hope this helps, good luck!