Tuesday, April 1, 2003
Saddam Fails to Make TV Appearance

Iraqi TV said dictator Saddam Hussein would broadcast an address to his oppressed tonight, but he failed to show up.

An underling instead read a statement that Saddam supposedly wrote.

"The aggression that the aggressors are carrying out against the stronghold of faith is an aggression on the religion, the wealth, the honor and the soul and an aggression on the land of Islam," ranted "Information" Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf.

"Therefore, jihad is a duty in confronting them." He claimed that "those who are martyred will be rewarded in heaven. Seize the opportunity, my brothers."

But wait, there's more. "Strike at them, fight them. They are aggressors, evil, accursed by God. You shall be victorious and they shall be vanquished.

"Fight them everywhere the way you are fighting them today. And don't give them a chance to catch their breath until they declare it and withdraw from the lands of the Muslims, defeated and cursed in this life and the afterlife."


Hoo-whee: "Take this opportunity ... you [bombers] are the apple of the eye of Iraq ... take this chance and grab this opportunity. Kill them; fight them. They are evil aggressors," the "information" minister raged.

"Long live our country and Palestine .... "

So why didn't Saddam show his ugly face? Was he too busy torturing children, nursing his wounds or pushing up daisies?

With Carl Limbacher and NewsMax.com Staff
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