"HELP! HELP! VITAMINS ARE KILLING US!

Posted By: AmazonBuzzy
Date: Wednesday, 29 December 2004, 12:25 a.m.


WELL-PUBLICIZED VITAMIN SCARES FEED THE PHARMACEUTICAL INDUSTRY

CHICKEN LITTLE was in the medical library one day when a journal fell on her head. She read it, and it scared her so much she trembled all over. Why? Because Chicken Little had read of negative studies on vitamins. She was so afraid that half her feathers fell out.

"Help! Help! Vitamins are killing us! I have to go tell the President!"

So she ran in great fright to tell the President. Along the way she met Henny Penny.

"Where are you going, Chicken Little?" said Henny Penny.

"Oh, help! Vitamins are killing us!" said Chicken Little.

"How do you know?" said Henny Penny.

"I read it with my own eyes," said Chicken Little, "And it was on the news, and part of it fell on my head!"

"Vitamins are killing us? This is terrible, just terrible!" said Henny Penny. "We'd better hurry up."

So they both ran away as fast as they could. Soon they met Ducky Lucky.

"Where are you going, Chicken Little and Henny Penny?"

"Vitamins are killing us! Vitamins are killing us!" said Chicken Little and Henny Penny. "We're going to tell the President!"

"How do you know vitamins are killing people?" said Ducky Lucky.

"I read it with my own eyes," said Chicken Little, "And heard it with my own ears on the news, and part of it fell on my head."

"Oh dear, oh dear!" Ducky Lucky. "We'd better run!"

So they all ran down the road as fast as they could. Soon they met Goosey Loosey walking down the roadside.

"Hello there. Where are you all going in such a hurry?"

"We're running for our lives!" said Chicken Little

"Vitamins are killing us!" said Henny Penny.

"And we're running to tell the President!" said Ducky Lucky.

How do you know that vitamins are killing people?" said Goosey Loosey.

"I read it with my own eyes," said Chicken Little, "And heard it with my own ears on the news, and part of it fell on my head!"

"Goodness!" said Goosey Loosey. "Then I'd better run with you."

And they all ran in great fright across a field. Before long they met Turkey Lurkey strutting back and forth..

"Hello there, Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, and Goosey Loosey. Where are you all going in such a hurry?"

"Help! Help!" said Chicken Little. "Vitamins are killing us!"

"We're running for our lives!" said Henny Penny.

"And by the way, the sky is falling!" added Ducky Lucky.

"So we're running to tell the President!" said Goosey Loosey.

"How do you know the sky is falling?" asked Turkey Lurkey.

"I read it with my own eyes," said Chicken Little, "And heard it on the news with my own ears, and part of it fell on my head!"

"Oh dear!" said Turkey Lurkey. "I always suspected those damned vitamins were dangerous! I'd better run with you."

So they ran with all their might, until they met Pharma Fred the Fox.

"Well, well, well," said Pharma Fred. Where are all of you rushing off to on such a fine day?"

"Help! Help!" cried Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey all together. "It's not a fine day at all. Vitamins are killing us, the sky is falling, and we're running to tell the president!"

"But of course vitamins are killing you," said Pharma Fred the Fox. "Now all of you calm down. Here, have a Prozac."

Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey each swallowed a few Prozacs, and some Valium for good measure.

"Well then," said Pharma Fred the Fox. "How did you learn of how dangerous those vitamins really are?"

"I read it with my own eyes," said Chicken Little, "And heard it on the news with my own ears, and part of it fell on my head!"

"I see," said Pharma Fred the Fox. "Well then, follow me, and I'll show you right to the President."

So Pharma Fred the Fox led Chicken Little, Henny Penny, Ducky Lucky, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey across a field and through the woods. He led them straight to his den, and they never saw the President.

And Foxy Pharma Fred had most a delicious dinner.