Not sure how to do this 
#165007
21 y
815
Maybe someone out there has some advice for me. I have been with my guy for 3 years. Things in the beginning were great. Until 5 months into the relationship I was told that his ex (which is still his "friend" to this day) was pregnant by him. He says it wasn't cheating because he wasn't officially my boyfriend yet. But he had just said I love you a couple of months earlier and we were having "relations". I was supportive of him and told him that I would still be there for him anyways. Well, she didn't have his child, she lost it. He continued to stay friends with her and I tried to understand. Then 5 months had passed again and he spent the night at her apt. I found out because I went there at 4 in the morning and saw her car that he borrowed. (It was just that gut instinct besides the fact that he didn't return my calls and I couldn't sleep.) I tried to leave him then, but he wouldn't let me and convinced me of a second chance. Well now that time has gone by she is still friends with him and she is friends with his sister. She has gone out of her way to buy him expensive things that normally he wouldn't buy for himself such as: 36 inch tv, ps2, digital camera, stereo eqipment, gifts from her travels the list could go on forever. She has also gone out of her way to assist family members by throwing parties and catering and hosting them because they are in school. She is included in every aspect of his family's life and I have not yet been invited or been present at one of his family events yet. This boy says he wants to marry me and have a future with me. I don't think I can have that when his ex-girlfriend still lingers on and refuses to meet me and attend our "wedding". (By the way she also punched him in his face because she found out we were having "relations" after 3 years of being a couple) Is it unfair of me to ask of him to ditch her before he even thinks about getting hitched? My dilemma is that I do not want this crazy (she's BiPolar) girl ruining my family with this boy, he doesn't see that. By the way he is going away on a vacation with his family and she's going because "she's invited by my sister" he says. Is my boy double dipping? Angry after all these years.......
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- Re: Not sure how to do this #162841
21 y
868
This is a reply to # 331,053Your problem sounds kind of famaliar to my problem. What a coincidence.
I don't understand what your boyfriend is doing, but it sure doesn't sound good. He still can't let go of his ex-girlfriend, but is she really his ex or still his current girlfriend? Does she even know where you stand because maybe she thinks you are the "other woman" in their relationship. It is wrong of him to go back and forth between his ex and you. He did not show any respect by not even inviting you to any of his family events. I think he is still including her in his life and seeing you on the side? Before you make anymore commitment, invest in your time and love, he needs to break it off with is ex-girlfriend. There is something fishy going on there, but even if it was an innocent friendship, he should still end all contacts with her out of respect for you. I think he is lying to both the ex-girlfriend and you. From my own experience, my boyfriend was seeing two people and he lied to the other woman that I was his ex girlfriend and while lying to me that he broke up with the other woman already To this day, he continues to keep BOTH relationship lying to the both of us. Has he introduced you to his co-workers, friends and family?? If not, he is certainly maintaining TWO relationships.
Mmmm, your problem sounds so famalir to mine, do we know each other!? Just kidding.
That's why, make sure... is he really telling you the truth?
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- *Is this guy a dogg and how do I fin... ms Ladiee
21 y
777
This is a reply to # 331,058thank you so much for responding. I needed reassurance. I broke off my relationship with him last night. (on the phone) I just cannot take it anymore. I thought that after 3 years that he would work on that problem especially because he wanted to get serious and because he knew it bothered me. Not the case. He said he shouldn't have to give his friend up. This female has done some henious things to me and to him. I have even talked to her on 3 way with him, because he had something to prove to her. She was nothing but disrespectful and nasty towards me and I did nothing to provoke her I was cordial. Then this past monday after he told her that he couldn't talk to her "for a while" she sent me a text message on my phone that she's "not going ANYWHERE". Today he sent me an email and said that I hurt him and its my fault that we are no longer together. He said that we had a good thing going. I don't see that anymore when all I did was cry and belly ache if he was really where he said he was. I always thought that we was with her but there is no way to prove that. Or is there? When I was on 3 way with her she said that they were still together about2 years ago. (that's when him and I had been dating about a year) He denied it and said that she was "just angry and didn't know what she was talking about) I want to find out what really went on. How do I do that? By the way, I know most of his friends with the acception of her, but some of the family I have never met. I only met his grandmother once when he had her cosign on his car!!! I even got her a x-mas present last year!!! he even dogged me out on x-mas. I got him so many nice things and he didn't even get me the car starter (he swore he was going to get me but needed to save more $$$) Now its been 5 months and he's bought himself a new wardrobe for spring and a pocket pc avrg:$200. Is this guy a dog to me or am I just imagining it?
- Re: *Is this guy a dogg and how do I... #162848
21 y
839
This is a reply to # 331,065He's definitely mistreating you! Sounds like he is alternating how he spends his holidays, sometimes with you and sometimes with her. For instance, when he is not there for Christmas, what does he say? Did he really tell you upfront that he was with her and WHY he was with her or did he lie that he had to spend it with his friends or family? Not really sure how you can find out he is still with his ex girlfriend or current girlfriend. But when I talk to my boyfriend, I pay attention to every detail. For intance, if he says he went out with his friends on Saturday, then you kindly ask who? If he says John and Peter. Then two days later, you pretend like you never ask him that question and ask him again to see if he is giving you consistent answer. Also, I find it pretty much the same, when you ask question and he has to repeat the question, that means he is trying to buy time to think of a lie. If you ask "What did you do on Sat?" And he has to repeat it, be suspicious. But, you wrote that you broke up with him already. I am happy for you, hope you will get rid of him completely. If that's the case, it wouldn't matter if he is with her or not because you just have to make sure you treat yourself right and love yourself.
Did you get to meet his parents besides the grandma?
It sounds like his ex is in every aspect of his life. If he can't do something about it to change that, he'll always put you in second place. When you were on the phone with his ex, did you get to find out if she is really his EX or was she so upset at you because you were "his other girlfriend" behind her back??? Because in a similar situation, I got so mad that I couldn't help but call up that other girl to find out if it's just friendship or what and she told me that he said to her I am his ex girlfriend who won't let go of him. And so, when I was mad at her, I should have been really mad at him for lying to the both of us. It's a mystery, I don't know how cheaters can maintain two relationship for months and years. They don't get tired. It's like they are addicted to lying and cheating that they can't stop now!- He had A choice to make ms Ladiee
21 y
794
This is a reply to # 331,066Okay I talked with him last night and te conversation did not go well as I had anticipated. He swore up and down that he loves me. He said that he got rid of her by telling her that He couldn't talk to her for a while. What kind of BS is that? I told him he needed to say forever and I was told that I was dictating how to live his life. Now he is going to Las Vegas to spite me (because I didn't invite him to come wih my FEMALE friend and coworker) and she is going to be there with all of his family. He said he is going to hangout with his cousins not her. But as you said listen to them carefully. Earier in the week when he told me he was going and before I knew that she was he said that he wanted to get a hot tub suite!!! Gee I wonder why? Them 2 have a history of hot tub lovin'. I told him that if he went and she was going to be there that it was all over and he said he didn't care he was still going to go anyways. Am I right to think that this man would have never been worth my time if he didn't take my feelings into consideration? I don't think he ever has. In our conversation last night he yelled at me for getting off the phone with him because my company walked in the door. He accused me of wanting to get "messed up" because they were here. He told me I wanted too much all the time and that he would never have been capable of making me happy. I told him all I want is someone to love me the way I love them. I treat my men really good. Faithful, a domesticate, showering with little Thinking of you gifts and cards, all the good stuff a man could ever want without being too smothering. I told him that we would talk later. I don't really want to talk to him anymore now that I have realized that he dogged me out for 3 years. But then I still think what if he wasn't with her did I mess up?
P.S. I did get to go on a Family vacation with his father and siblings and his family thought I was HER because they hadn't visited in several years!!! Though in the end I out drank his Lushie Tia's (aunts, they are Mexican) and they accepted me. And I have gone out with his mother a couple of times and hung with her at the house, so she does know me too. She said to a COworker of mine that I bring out the best in her son and that HER is Psycho and that he needs to stay away from her. What's that all about?- Re: He had A choice to make #166406
21 y
818
This is a reply to # 331,071Well, the only positive thing is that he did introduce you to his parents and siblings. I guess even the mom knows how psycho the other girl is but her son just can't get rid of his addiction. But it doesn't matter how highly his family think of you. He should be treating you like a queen. You wrote that he will be going to Las Vegas without you!? Who cares if he is going alone or with HER, but if truly loves you, of course he wouldn't leave now when there are problems in the relationship to be worked out, and better yet, he would take you to Las Vegas. Who would want to hang out with a bunch of cousins over a girlfriend!??
I don't understand why he always has the nerve to tell you that she will be here and there! His biggest problem is that he can't end it with HER and affecting your relationship. You asked what if your assumption is wrong.... well, first of all, he said he will end contacts with her for AWHILE, but then what happened!?? He will go to Las Vegas with her included! What is that!?!? Then, he is going to Las Vegas instead of working out problems between you and him. He's just walking away like he doesn't care or don't want to deal with them. He said he loves you, but where's the action??? Everything he does shows otherwise! I even suspect if his cousins are really going, and if they are, do they have their own room away from the two of them!
Does she live in the same city as him and you? If not, you can take a look at his charge cards or receipts of gas stations, dining, department stores in her area. That's what I did. I also saw telephone bills, both home and cellular with her numbers and calls that lasted 30 minutes, 45 minutes, etc... But in your case, he's actually telling you that SHE is in his life all the time. Just remember, he has the major problem of not getting rid of her, she's not the main problem. If he truly loves you, even if she calls him up and wants to see him, HE can refuse her.
I still have the other girl's phone number, but I don't want to call her anymore asking if they are still together because I accepted that it's my boyfriend who has the problem not her. Since I know I won't marry him or have him in my life for long term, I just deal with it until I have the strength one day to get rid of him for good. For now, I'll be the stupid one.
Oh, and asking him to be faithful, truthful and committed is not DICTATING his life. That's asking for a mutually respected and trusted relationship!
When he returns from the trip, don't even show him that you missed him! Force yourself to be happy even if you must. He's making you feel miserable and doesn't even stop it!- Re: He had A choice to make #166577
21 y
802
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This is a reply to # 331,075Was he honest with you, and tell you about his Ex Girlfriend in the begining of the relationship? Seems like you had allot of trouble trusting him, without trust there is no relationship. I think his ex girlfriend is the one tearing up the relationship, has he told her to leave you guy's alone? I went through this with my boyfriend and he kept telling her to go away, but she wouldn't, she kept hurting us, but I learned how to ignore her because he is with me. He had allot of trouble letting her go because she was in his life for years, but i knew he genuinly loved me, because he sat her down and explained to her that he was in love with me. I feel bad that you are in this situation, because I know how much hurt is involved, You will know in your heart if he genuinly loves you.
- Re: He had A choice to make #166577
21 y
802
- Re: He had A choice to make #166406
21 y
818
- He had A choice to make ms Ladiee
21 y
794
- Re: *Is this guy a dogg and how do I... #162848
21 y
839
- *Is this guy a dogg and how do I fin... ms Ladiee
21 y
777
- Re: Not sure how to do this #162841
21 y
868
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