Today i just feel so guilty about what ive done.

I stayed at my girlfriends house last night and she left me in bed so she could go to work.

She asked me to look for this money she had lost.

So i did but i also looked through her diaries and stuff.

I needed to know if she was cheating on me when she went out or not. I thought she might be as she has done it with her past b/f but she said it was because he lived so far away.

And i found my answer alright.....

In last years diary, she had nothing but nice things to say about me, no mention of other blokes or anything.

The year before (was not with her then), there was stuff in there about her being with a fella and cheating on him.

I feel like such a fool.

Why didnt i see the fact that she was always telling me she loves me and wants to marry me and be with me forever.

I just let my own mind go in a spin. She has a laugh when she goes out, she tells me if a bloke tries it on.

Only thing im not happy about is last week, we all went out from work and she danced with my mate, gyrating with him. I got pretty annoyed about it. I just thought she fancied him but she says hes a nice bloke but not her type.

Okay she looks at other men, but i look at women.

Doesnt mean to say im going to do anything.

I need to get rid of this insecurity as its going to tear us apart and i dont want that.

I want to be with her, im just scared im going to lose her to someone else.

What am i going to do?

I feel really bad about it and upset with myself.