Hi, all.
I'm a 41 year-old female who is (was?) in good health. I eat healthy, real food, exercise regularly and have for over 20 years. I have no prior health conditions or issues.

For about a year I experienced off and on bouts of blood in my stool. Having grappled with constipation and irregularity most of my adult life, I chalked it up to internal hemorrhoids. About 1-2 months ago, I began experiencing cramping during BMs, which also never felt complete, and a dull ache from time to time in my rectum & near my coccyx. My husband urged me to see a doctor earlier this year, but at that time, I was still thinking I just had hemorrhoids or, at worst, mild ulcerative colitis.

Like many here, I fear & don't trust doctors, and for me to finally go see a gastroenterologist was scary in and of itself. Today I had a colonoscopy (another first for me), and a 5cm mass was found and biopsied (results won't be in until next week.) My doctor said for me to 'not worry at this point,' but said the mass will have to be removed as it is blocking my colon.

I can accept surgery. I cannot accept the idea of chemo and/or radiation. My mom died a slow, painful death due to 'treatment' for lymphoma, and I don't want that same fate.
However, I'm also scared to die. My husband and I have been crying off and on all day, as we were both fairly certain the c-scope would reveal something very minor.

Now I'm terrified and am overdosing on information regarding natural cures.

I know that I have to wait to see what the biopsy will reveal, but I'm trying to prepare myself, and educate myself, for the worst. I don't want to die - I've never been so scared and sad in my life.

I've been reading up on chrisbeatcancer.com, and it gives me hope, but I'm still terrified. I suppose at this point I'm simply venting, and looking for ways to cope. I know one's outlook is important, but it's hard as hell to have a positive outlook right now.
Any and all help, advice, etc. would be greatly appreciated.