I hope there is someone here who can help me. I've been told by a doctor that I'm more than likely suffering from end stage liver failure, nd now, to make matters even worse, I'm experiencing intense fecal-like odors. I am apparently radiating them, although I'm completely acclimated and unable to detect them myself. This is just one more depressing fact upon a mountain of depressing medical facts, and I don't know what to do. Suicide is a very real option at this point - I just can't deal with this. Showering makes zero difference. It doesn't help for more than ten minutes. Am I simply releasing bodily toxins through my skin because my liver is useless? Or is that just an oversimplification? I would be grateful if anyone here could take the time to offer advice or help in any form whatsoever. I think I've given up. All I know is, this is a bad way to go.

I may as well add that I underwent EXTREME salicylism/aspirin poisoning when I was seven years old. And, honestly, I do mean EXTREME - I came quite close to dying. I also have a history of alcoholism, which has been my primary crutch for approximately thirty years. I'm 43 years old, and I'm basically unable to even go outside without consuming alcohol first. It's something I've struggled with for most of my life. I've always been exceptionally fragile and sensitive, which I know sounds stupid, but which is unfortunately totally intractable. It's just who I am.

Also, in addition to the above, I was really severely poisoned by benzodiazepines in a spiked drink. After I left the hospital, I essentially existed in a kind of post-poisoning fog for a number of years. Whatever else it did, it left me with some severe vision problems and recurrent headaches. I was blind for two-and-a-half days, and after my vision returned I've just never quite been the same. I mention it mainly because, whatever it did, it's something I deal with on a daily basisThis happened twelve years ago.

I don't know what to do. I'm sad and tired and I'm finding it difficult to even see any good reason to stay alive. I want to stress that I'm not going to actually kill myself, but at the same time I am absolutely ambivalent to the idea of death. Help would be sincerely and gratefully appreciated. Thanks