I have always been an emotional and sensitive person and know that things from my childhood and crisis events that have seemed to happen to me continuously have led to me being in the place i am now(depression).Its always been a companion of mine in varying degrees but now ive hit my early thirties its suddenly took me to an all time low.I have in the space of three months become someone i do not seem to recognise i looked in the mirror today and i look drawn and painstricken and i feel it.I have been at home and isolated myself so much that i hardly get phone calls.Its been hard as i lost both my parents in different circumstances as a teenager and because they were from two seperate countries to each other and to me where i live in the uk and where i am from.i never had any family for support and my two other siblings were teens or barely out of them and we drifted apart.Years have led me to travel(in search and running away)and now at 33 im back in England with nothing and noone and memories that lead me to feel unloved and unwanted.I dont know how i got here but i cant seem to see a way out.I have been talking to someone but its just talking over and over and in the end i feel like its all "get on with life its just life" and after a while i started to think they didnt believe id been thru so much as i dont have a drinking problem im not a crack head and im very intelligent and seem very together apart from depression.i can do it for a while pick myself up then my imprinted belief systems come back as they will.I started taking anti depressants which made me feel dull and sleep all day so i just stopped and now im over emotional and i just feel like i have utterly no purpose at all and just sorrow and hurt all the time that i dont see anyway out.I have not been suicidal and i dont think i will but its like being trapped with your emotions and watching the world and people go by and i just dont seem to be able to do that without panic worry and stress.Im just completely lost right now.Im going to see a behavioural therapist. im in debt as im too proud to tell anyone as i have a belief that noone helps people its usually your family and i dont have any i have had to cope with becoming an adult and life issues alone and i havent been equiped to so its been difficult all the way.well there isnt anyone. i cant cope and i rent an apartment where the landlord doesnt want people on benefit so ive been using a credit card just to pay my flat mate what i owe (and there not the kind of person who would help as they are very money conscious and self involved)and i just feel like its all going down and down and down and i dont see any light.I try to be positive and look to a higher power but it stays for a while and then im again eaten up by Depression and i feel like its just a fight and a fight for what?I feel like a failure this weekend ive been alone and completely angry at the world and then completely worthless.