Back in May I got permission from my landlord to rent out a couple of rooms and make it more affordable for me to live here. I was paying $1850 in rent. I rented one room for $550 ABP and the other one for $700 ABP because it has a private entrance. The all bills paid deal turned out to be bad for me. The tenants kept turning the AC down so low that I was shivering and I put my electric blanket back on the bed during the summer. The electric bill was averaging around $800!!! I told them I was most comfortable with the temperature set at 77, and put a tip jar by the thermostat, suggesting they put one dollar per day per degree in the tip jar if they wanted to turn it down below 77. Neither of them tipped.

The one who was paying $550 told me he was not a partier, but the house apparently inspired his friends to come over and party anyway. He was having beer drinking pool parties frequently all summer. And his friends like to grill. We have a charcoal grill and a propane grill. The propane grill was low on propane and they were afraid of running out. Instead of using the charcoal grill, they put charcoal in the grease drip pan of the propane grill, which was old and rusty, so it collapsed.

I discovered the pile of soggy charcoal on the wooden deck under the grill a couple of days later. Apparently when the burning charcoal collapsed, they poured water on it to prevent the deck from catching on fire. He said he thought it was my responsibility to clean up the mess, as that rusty old drip pan should have been replaced before he moved in. I don't own a gun. I don't want a gun. I wouldn't use one if I had it, unless a rabid possum was trying to kill my dog. But I agree with Jeff Foxworthy. Some people need killing. None the less, I contained my emotions, cleaned up the mess, and began looking around for a new drip pan to buy. I went to Lowes and Home Depot but they didn't have one. It never occurred to me to put a sign on the grill that said "Out of Service!" As it seemed self evident to me, since there was no pan to catch the dripping grease.

Before I could locate another drip pan, he had another party. Instead of using the charcoal grill, which is not as nice as the propane grill, his friends decided to risk running out of propane, and use the propane grill. So they cooked their meat without a drip pan with hot grease dripping all over the propane tank and deck!!! I was shocked. I asked him to please clean up the mess and told him not to do that any more because it seems to me it might start a fire for hot grease to fall on the propane tank and wooden deck, not to mention the mess. He said he would clean it up, but he did not. I also sent an e-mail and reminded him that I still needed his renters insurance policy number, which he told me that he purchased, but never provided proof. He responded by giving me a 30 day notice.

At the same time, he sent the landlord an e-mail saying that he and the other tenant love living in the house, but they hate living with a pervy old lady, and that I had been hitting on his friend when he had his pool parties. He always invited me to join them, but I never did because I have no interest in beer parties and nothing in common with 30 year old men. I did run into his best friend in the kitchen couple of times. And was hitting on me. I was nice to him, but I was not interested in having sex with a skinny dorky big eared doofass.

Of course the landlord was not interested in replacing me with a guy who pays his rent late, sometimes as much as 25 days late. Besides I am locked in with a lease. And Grill King was on a month to month agreement with me. Of course I accepted his 30 day notice. I also told him I would give him half his deposit back if he would get out in two weeks and leave his room clean. He said he would and disappeared for a week. Meanwhile, the other tenant told me that the Grill King had contacted him wanting to know if he would like to stay on if they could figure out some way to get rid of me. The other tenant wanted to know what I would do if the Grill King decided not to leave in 15 days. I told him that Grill King had not paid his rent for the current month, and it was over 7 days late, so I would just put his shit out on the street and change the locks.

The other tenant told me I could not do that. He said he has lived in three states now and he knows what the eviction laws are. He explained that I would have to file an eviction notice, and pay the sheriff a couple thousand dollars to move his stuff out, and it would take at least 30 days for them to get around to it, if not more. He also warned me that I have a way of being really nasty at times, and I need to watch out, because somebody might put shit in the AC vents, and then I would have to wait until the smell subsides before I could rent the place again.

I asked him to give me an example of when I had ever been nasty to him. He said he didn't like the way I asked him to stop slamming the cabinet doors. I gently said "please" and when he did it again, I reminded him with an even softer voice. When he apologized, I said "Don't apologize, just stop doing it!" Both times I said it very gently and sweetly. The loud unexpected banging was making me jump. But he is a grown man who doesn't want to live with someone who acts like his mother. I did not say, "Well then grow up and stop being lazy!"
I just thought it.

I told Banger Boy that we have a different definition of nasty in Texas than they do up north, and I would like to show him what nasty looks like when I do it. I assured him that I appreciate the fact he pays rent on time, and I have no problems with him staying. I just wanted him to know what it looks like when I really do get nasty. Then I got up off the couch, walked a few feet further away from him, did a little Tasmanian devil dance, and with my deepest most sincere demon voice, I said~ "If there is a law on the books that says I have to support able bodied men who are trying to freeload on me, the law needs to be broken! And you can bet your sweet lazy ass I'd rather go to jail and let the tax payers support me than be your slave. So I don't give a crap what the law says. I am not going support you and you are not going to use the system to freeload on me. You need to get your stuff out now, or I am going to be in your face, insisting that you do, using this tone of voice, until you are gone. I am the one with the lease here, not you. And I am not going to support you! I have taken martial arts too, and I will not hesitate to kick somebody in the face if they dare to mess with me." I demonstrated my ability to kick higher than my own head.

I also said that as far as I knew, and to please correct me if I was wrong, that I was the only person who had ever taken out the trash, mopped, dusted, swept or vacuumed since the two of them had moved in. And free maid service was not a part of the deal. Furthermore, the dust bunnies in their hall way were getting so big I had a sneeze attack the last time I went to change the temperature on the thermostat, and something needed to be done about it. He got up and swept the hall. The Grill King was gone in two weeks. Two days later I rented his room to somebody else for more money. Please congratulate me.