It's become so hard for me to believe in them anymore, I'm not sure how many, if any of you out there believe in such things, I just felt compelled to talk about it having stumbled upon this forum while sifting through the other forums nonstop regarding my digestive woes.

From daytime tv I heard about spirit guides, and I was instantly drawn to this concept. I don't consider myself an especially spiritual person though, my dad always had to drag me to church (I'm Christian I think...) on Sundays and when I got older I only found myself going at christmas, and I don't even do that anymore. I always thought the idea of guardian angels was 'fanciful' at best, I always had a hard time imagining a beautiful winged creature following me about like that angel In that painting with the two kids, and all those figurines I come across in secondhand stores... I just didn't see it, but something about a 'guide' came across as much more believable to me for whatever reason, so I clung onto that.

When times were tough, or at least back when I thought I knew what 'tough' was, I'd always talk to my spirit guide. There was one time later on when I adopted this belief, I could've sworn I just randomly heard a voice whisper 'I'm here'... But I think I was suffering from some sort of cold at the time so I can't be sure how reliable that instant was. But fast forward to a few years ago, and I find myself dealing with the worst point in my life that only seems to be getting even more impossible to deal with.

I began having a lot of digestive distress, bad stomach pain, cramping, multiple bathroom trips, and every time it was at its worst I always spoke to my spirit guide. I asked for help, guidance, knowledge to steer me on how to get past this rough patch, maybe not so eloquently but I asked just the same. Rather than things getting better... They continued to get progressively worse. I had stomach pain that sent me to the hospital, had my gallbladder removed, finding no relief from that and just half a year after my surgery my symptoms got even worse than they were before surgery. I can't go a day without discomfort now and if I have any relief it's an hour at most if I'm lucky...

It's around now I realized that I just stopped talking to my spirit guide, nearly a year ago, I just gave up believing some spiritual being on another plane was watching out for me and guiding me. I know it's probably perceived as rather horrid to give up ones faith, however varied it is over some really rough years, but it's hard to believe there's anything beyond suffering when it's all you're really exposed too. I wish I was one of those fellows whose faith gets stronger the tougher things get... But I'm not. I miss speaking to my spirit guide, miss believing there was someone listening to my pain and worries. It's not that I'm alone, I have someone who loves me very much in the flesh, who takes care if me but I'm tired if feeling like such a burden. I break down nearly every day and sometimes it's just too much to handle and I scream and scream... And I just miss that extra bit of comfort believing in my spirit guide used to bring me, the hope for a silver lining, for better days, they're just gone.

I hope I don't sound so much like I'm whining, I know there's those out there who probably have it far worse... But that just makes me feel I'm being selfish and wrong. I'm just wondering if anyone else around here believes in such things, and if you do, what do you do when and if your belief gets shaken? Because I'd really like to believe again.