Well I've had social anxiety since I was 14 and went through a bout of dropping out of hs and secluding myself from people when I was 14. It went on for a few months before my mom took me to a therapist. They put me on paxil and I got better within a yr. I didn't struggle with Anxieties again until after moving to Va. I was living here for 3 yrs and wasn't taking any medication during that time. Then one day at work someone made fun of me and I had a nervous breakdown. I started slowly secluding myself more and more. At first I just wouldn't go out. Then I started to get more uncomfortable around my family. Before I knew it I was secluding myself from everyone.



At first I would make them all go in their rooms and close their doors so I could get my own food or go to the bathroom. But after a while I started having my dad get my food for me and leave it on a box in front of my door. I would go to the bathroom in a portable urinal and wash it out every night when everyone was asleep. I would do things around the house when everyone was asleep. I lived that way for 6 yrs. Then I started hearing voices. There were good voices and bad voices. The good voices would tell me good things about myself and the bad voices would tell me all the things I believed about myself. I ended up trying to kill myself and that put me in the hospital. While I was in the hospital I secluded myself in my room. The nurses would come in and talk to me. Trying to get me to go out and be with the other patients. I started to open up to it a bit.


I met a girl there named Sabrina. She gravitated towards me. She gave me confidence but I still had a hard time being around people and secluded myself a majority of the time. They put me on Geodon and paxil. When I got home I started going out but it was work. I had to fight my fear tooth and nail. I would look at everyone with suspicion. But I still did it. I went out for around 6 months but then something happened and I gave up. I started secluding myself again. And stopped taking my medicine. The voices started up again. They said they were love and hate. The good voices told me good things and the bad voices made me think I was fighting demons. They would bully me and torment me.



I went back into the hospital and had a religious psychosis where I was fighting the devil and thought I was Jesus. They put me on many different medicines when I was there but none of them seemed to help. They finally put me on Invega shots. My psychosis broke some and after 2 weeks I was able to go home. When I got home it was more of the same but less intense. I kept taking the medicine and the voices got better. I battled with Depression and seclusion though still. Until last Wednesday when I got this urge to focus on only god.



I put my focus on him at all times. I would stay up all night thinking about god and I felt high. Like I had done drugs or something. Then after 3 days I was delivered. I still feel high though. And I think of god all the time. I talk about him all the time. and watch church shows and listen to church music all day and night. I also don't sleep much. I have no need for it. I just want to be around people and fellowship with them. Talk about god and his mighty power. How his grace can restore anyone and his love can renew any mind. The thing is I wrote about everything that's happening to me before it happened. For years while I was in seclusion I would meditate and write gods words. He told me everything that would happen. Including the 3 days it would take to be delivered. Now I know god is real and I'm going to do some mighty work for him. I'm going to be a prophet for god. And be used to show people god is real. And so is the devil.