I was still on Depakote and Paxil. I was 25 pounds overweight, tired,
dull, angry a lot, and not sleeping well. I thought it would be best
to stay on the drugs, and change my diet first. My intention was to
eat something more like an "original" diet, instead of the "new
improved" diet I was on.
What I found was that this was very difficult to do.
Grain fed meat, poultry and eggs don't have the Omega-3 that grass
fed or "free-range" meat and eggs do. But grass fed beef is about $8
per pound! Fish has this essential oil, especially salmon, but the
stores don't have to label it as farm raised, or "wild". Farmed fish
has virtually no Omega-3. There is also problems with big ocean fish
having high levels of mercury and other fun stuff, so that's probably
isn't a great idea, either. The partially hydrogenated fats that
compete with the "good fats" are in everything, it seems. This stuff
is terrible for us...I can't find any redeeming quality for the
consumer, only the food producer. I made an effort to reduce sugar.
We eat over 10 times more Sugar now than we did for most of our
history on Earth, and that's in everything, too. A typical can of
soda, at 10 teaspoons of sugar, should be relabeled "liquid candy".
It's not just bad because of the sheer empty calories in it...but it
does nasty things to your blood Sugar and insulin balance, ending in
low blood Sugar and your adrenals pumping out adrenaline to
counteract it. I got rid of the shortening, margarine and vegetable
oils, and replaced them with butter, olive and canola oils. (By the
way...the "Mediterranean Diet" is a pretty good place to start.
Besides...the food is real good)

I did the best I could, learning as I went along. Grocery shopping
took longer, and required my bifocals.
I soon realized that the only way I might ensure I was getting all
the trace nutrients that the "old" diet had was to supplement it.
We eat 1/20th the vitamin C that we used to. Humans, some primates
and guinea pigs all have to eat their Vitamin C, because we can't
make it in our bodies, like all other animals can. We apparently gave
up that ability long ago, because we were getting enough in our
diets. The amount of vitamin C found in the tissues of animals is
virtually the same regardless of the animal, including those who have
to eat it. Why should humans be different? Vitamin C is proven to be
essential to our health, so I added that. B vitamins came up over and
over again as being very important, so I added a b-complex, a
multivitamin and multimineral. I got the Omega-3 from fish oil
capsules. This oil comes from a small sardine like fish that is
caught off the coast of Chile, so it doesn't have the concentrated
mercury and other pollutants in it.
Within a week, I noticed I was sleeping better. Sleep has always been
my best early warning of mania and depression. The amount of sleep I
was getting didn't change too much, but I slept better. It was a
small improvement, but enough to give me a little encouragement. I
know that the "placebo" effect is fairly strong in me. I really
wanted something to work, so maybe it was just wishful thinking. I
don't think so, though. The improvement continued, slow but steady. I
still had days of terrible Depression and fatigue.
One of the worst things about bipolar is that it's a moving target.
You can try a treatment, and depending on where you are in a cycle,
the treatment might work, might not. You can feel better without
making any changes, or worse, just depending on the cycle. If it
would just sit still, it would be easier to deal with!
I geared up for stopping the drugs. I'd gone through Paxil withdrawal
before, and was really afraid of doing it again. The withdrawal
effects for me included hearing things, nausea, dizziness, and the
worst is a really strange electrical shock feeling that zaps through
you. You turn your head, and it's like getting a shock that goes
through your head and down your spine. Some people hear "swooshing"
kinds of sounds. I heard ducks quacking. The first time I went
through this, I kept looking up, trying to see the ducks. When the
ducks followed me inside, I knew something funny was going on.
I knew that Paxil worked on the serotonin absorption mechanism, but
couldn't find much info on what happens when you stop taking it. At
the time, the makers of Paxil were denying there was any problem. I
found a website about it, and they suggested switching to a liquid
version, so it was easier to cut down the dose, and that Dramamine
(motion sickness med) helped some people.
I wanted to go off the Paxil first. I'd been driven into mania
before when I was on it without the Depakote, and I wasn't looking
for a repeat performance. I looked for something that would act like
an antidepressant, but did it by helping make more serotonin, instead
of plugging up the serotonin drains. I obtained L-Tyroptophan for
this. I'd read about possible problems with the 5HTP Tryptophan,
especially for bipolars, because this form of Trypto skips around the
natural path that L-tryptophan takes, and can produce too much
serotonin in the body. The idea of going around the natural pathway
seemed contrary to "giving my body the raw materials, and letting it
figure out what to make of it". It isn't nice to fool Mother Nature?
Depakote appears to increase the available "gamma-aminobutyric acid"
(GABA) in the brain. Many anti-anxiety drugs work on GABA, too. GABA
is made in the body, from glutamate. In a healthy body, all the GABA
needed should be automatically produced, but apparently something
funny is going on in cases of bipolar or anxiety. I figured I'd just
see if this took care of itself when I "tuned up" my body, but I got
some plain GABA, just in case. It can be taken directly, and there
isn't any known serious side effects, but again...taking it would
be "skipping" the bodies natural pathway, so I held off on taking any.
I wanted to see what kind of change the diet would make, first.
I stayed on my "new old" diet for a month. There was no doubt that I
was feeling better, more often. The irritability lessened, sleep got
better and I had more energy. When you are used to taking a drug,
and things happening fast, the slow pace of this kind of treatment
demands patience. But I'd fought this illness for 35 years, and had
plenty of practice with patience.
At the end of the month, I started tapering off the Paxil, and cut
the Depakote in half.
Thanks for reading this far. I have received some most wonderful
encouragement to continue and I thank you for that.
I think I'll title the next installment "Performing without a net",
or maybe "Kids! Don't try this at home"!
My best to you all,
Dan