Iloveheranyway, I'm sorry that I missed this post and that you're experiencing so much trauma.

First of all, has she been formally diagnosed with ANY disorder by a professional? Is she taking medications prescribed by a physician or psychiatrist? What do you mean when you say, "...a lot of rage....very reactant?"

Second, you say that you, "...cant leave her because (you) think she has a mental illness." Not to sound harsh, but this is the truth: YOU are not responsible for her mental health issues, treatment, or consequence for her actions.

Support groups for men are scarce and it would probably be best to contact your local domestic violence hotline to ask if there are any such groups in your area. You can also visit http://www.thehotline.com
My personal belief is that individual counseling would be more appropriate, for the time being, to help you sort this mess out.

Are there children associated with this union? If so, the lifelong ramifications of children who are raised in abusive environments is staggering - THEY do not have a voice or options to get out and get safe. Therefore, they must endure the violence and abuse as much as the adult victim does. The result? Perfect victims-in-the-making, OR more adept abusers-in-the-making.

Supporting an abusive spouse typically doesn't end well, Iloveheranyway. As a survivor of domestic violence and abuse, I can attest to this on a personal and statistical level. Having typed that, I understand and identify with that feeling of obligation to stay, help, encourage, and so forth......I really do. But, the hard truth is that an abuser (male OR female) is an abuser, is an abuser, is an abuser, regardless of any formal diagnosis, disorder, or syndrome. Most abusers will never, ever, EVER "get better," and the only thing that increases is the level of violence and ruination of the victim. This is particularly true with female abusers - they tend to run under the radar and their male victims are so badly ridiculed that the victims are hesitant to even reach out for help. So, take YOUR proactive step at reaching out as a tremendous act of strength and courage.

The more that you learn about domestic violence and abuse, the more you'll understand that you cannot, could not, and will never have the ability to "help" your spouse. For men abused by females, particularly, domestic violence and abuse is increasing at an extremely dramatic rate. Spousal homicide/murder BY women AGAINST their husbands is also increasing.

Please, visit the following sites for more information on domestic violence and abuse:
http://www.thehotline.com

http://www.familyarrested.com

http://www.180rule.com

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence-against-men/MY00557

http://www.saveservices.org/2013/05/unprecedented-domestic-violence-study-aff...


Although most of the sites are frequented by women, some the last two are specifically speaking of "Female ON Male Violence."

You are welcome to send a message, if you wish - as well as other readers who may have questions or concerns.

Brightest and most sincere blessings to you.