I am so sorry that you're having these experiences.  From what you've typed, I'm reading that he left over 2 years ago?  Has there been a divorce action?  Are you currently engaged in a custody/visitation battle with this man?  Did you ever engage in counseling therapy to manage the aftermath of this marriage?  You mentioned "rape" and you made a reference to whether you were experiencing rape, or not.  So, I'm interpreting that you are still either living with this man, or entertaining "working it out" with him for whatever reasons.  I want you to understand this, clearly:  there IS such a thing as spousal rape and prostitution.  Rape is any sexua| contact that forces one party to submit to sexua| acts when they do not want to participate.  Marital prostitution is when one party coerces the other party into performing sex acts in exchange for food, medicines, gifts for children, etc.  THESE ARE ABUSES, and the impact of sexua| abuse is devastating.

The "I'm sicker than YOU are," is called, "One-Upmanship."  It's a noted behavior of malignant narcissists and sociopaths that minimize (or, invalidates) the suffering of others.  It's to devalue you, as a human being.

I would strongly, STRONGLY urge you to visit the following website that deals specifically with sociopathy and learn more about your former marriage, and what you very well may be dealing with.  Please, visit www.lovefraud.com and read as much as you can.  Post on the blog about your experiences and you'll read some feedback that may help you to identify your situation. 

Most people who become entangled with sociopaths are not aware of the "Red Flags" because we are generally taught to trust and believe that whatever one person says to another is truthful and honest.  Even when something about that person doesn't "feel right," we ignore those gut feelings because of various issues:  core-beliefs, shame-core issues, abandonment issues, etc.  The description of this man fits high tendencies of socipathy and the devastations of these people are widespread - they not only effect the immediate targets (spouses), but they destroy the lives of innocent children and extended family members.  Emotionally, physically, sexually, spriritually, and financially, these people create a swath of carnage that can extend to hundreds of people.

So, again....please, visit www.lovefraud.com and learn as much as you can.  Then, if you are willing to explore this option, engage in strong counseling therapist with someone that "gets it" about what you've experienced.  You can find a counselor by contacting your local domsetic violence hotline and asking for a few names.  Also, you can visit www.ndvh.org to learn more about domestic violence and abuse, as well as find out about resources in your area.

Best wishes to you on this journey.  I'm in recovery, again, from a second marriage to a sociopath, and it's a tough journey, but not impossible to make.  BEST wishes to you.