i have been seeing a therapist for a few weeks and been enjoying it. we have uncovered quite a bit about my childhood growing up. i have been doing grounding techniques like breathing exercises, finger/arm stretch, neck rolls, and saying nice statements about myself.

i never had bad anxiety like i do now. when i was a kid, i was so outgoing and a lil bit shy but didnt fear speaking in public or anything until we moved to another state where that all changed. well, my parents have put a lot of lies into my head about life, people, and other things hence adding anxiety!

constant degrading, yelling, hostile environment, etc took a giant toll on my communication skills and caused such severe anxiety. the thing is when i get anxious/anxiety, it is stored mostly in my chest and sometimes a combination of it stored in both my chest and stomach. if i had to ask someone a question, the anxiety pops up in my chest causing me to stutter, speak quietly, and not speaking clearly about what i am saying/asking.

well, with the grounding techniques i am doing, my bp went from 135/76 to 124/90 i use pure lavender oil since it has calming and soothing properties i was so happy about my bp! my PCP has no idea i am seeing a therapist.

im not interested in medication i am doing talk therapy and she doesnt push medicines on me. even when i am not in a situation, i still get anxiety. my mental state of mind went downhill at age 10 to the point i dont wanna do anything i told my therapist that.

she says with this exercise, this should bring down my anxiety and clear my mind. my anxiety goes up and down so i know its natural to feel anxious/anxiety over something but why is mine still going up and down? my therapist has no idea i am still living in this hostile environment she thinks i stay with my bf and his dad until i get back on my feet.

i know its lying but i dont want DES paperwork to come to my house and that will cause a huge civil war battle between my mom and i. so i have been accessing my parasympathetic side instead of my sympathetic side the fight or flight part of it.

of course, i have no anxiety when speaking to my bf but other ppl i just hide behind him like a lil kid yet i never did that when i was a kid. he knows full well of my childhood and living situation i mean he should know at now 7 yrs of being together.

it still is hard for me to even speak to people usually i turn away like hurry up and stop talking but i dont want to feel that way. so, i guess what i am asking is has anyone ever overcame their anxiety to the point they were able to speak clearly and effectively with no knots in the tummy or tightness in the chest?

if i could clear this up, i would have no problems speaking with confidence in a job interview. i have stumbled, stuttered, and made myself look like a jackass in social situations like i dont know how to act (thats true too) since socialness was taken away from me my mom feels people dont socialize its another way of trying to be white how stupid is that comment she made!

it's sad at the age of 26 i have to relearn all of this over again.