I have a slightly different approach in that I believe that the main issue is  about your personal insecurities or self-esteem issue. To be successful in love and life, one needs to have an unshakeable belief in the self. People with a good self-image may not like rejection in love, but at least they will look for a BETTER man: it is not a disaster. With a low self-esteem rejection in love may mean disaster and confirmation of one's low self-image and aggravate the emotional upheaval further. As you improve your self-image, so will you improve the choice of your partner!

Now it seems you believe that your emotional problems derive from a traumatic sexua| occurrence in the past. In other words, you believe that you suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) because of sexua| abuse in he past, that may have contributed to your present day emotional problems.

What happens in PTSD, is that a trauma in the past  triggered a cascade of stress hormones, that interferes with the production of feel good neurotransmitters, such as serotonin. hence traumas are upsetting!  Most people who have experienced a trauma in the past eventually recover by passage of time. They start to produce feel good neurotransmitters again and resume life, although they may not have forgotten the trauma.

Unfortunately, this is not always the case with people who continue to suffer from emotional disorders, despite the passage of time. The reason appears to be that these people, perhaps like yourself, continue to secrete excess stress hormones, because of an inner biochemical abnormality unrecognized by yourself or doctors.  The usual stress hormone involved is adrenaline. Adrenaline function biochemically to increase blood sugar supply to the brain and the rest of the body to preparation of danger. In the absence of an external danger signal,  In fact the brain is triggering the release of adrenal, when it experiences a sudden crash in blood sugar level, called  Hypoglycemia. Thus people, unwittingly suffering from hypoglycemia, may continue to secrete excess adrenaline - stress hormones - not as a result of the memory of he past trauma, but because of a metabolic disorder. Remembering the trauma becomes in fact a symptom of PTSD, and not its cause!

Now, suffering from hypoglycemia can also cause inevitable symptoms of a low self-esteem. If you are bombarded with stress hormones beyond your control,  at the wrong time and for no rational reason, it MUST affect your self-image and cause you to have a low self-esteem. Therefore having a low self-eateem is not always of "psychological" origin, although this may appear so to the person, but more likely to be of biological origin....a metabolic disorder. It's fashionable to believe that a low self-esteem is always of psychological origin.

The good news about hypoglycemia is that it can be treated without recourse to drugs or even talk therapy by the adoption of the hypoglycemic diet.

For more reading please see:

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Hypoglycemia

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD): a Disease of Body and Mind

I also advise to study: Self-Help Psychotherapy course