When I was younger.. around 4 or 5.. my older brother molested me (toying with my butt). I remember this incident vividly, and I remember telling my parents (I guess I realized it was wrong) but they shrugged it off. He was only 9. My older brother and I have always had a distant relationship and not until recently (~2) years have we finally connected. I remember confronting him about this incident a few years later after it happened, but he didn't reply. I guess he was too embarrassed.. he has never touched me ever again. I put this in the past, because he was young and foolish. I am 18 now.

My father molested me when I was 9 or 10.. when I would sleep in my parents room.. and my mom would be out of bed already.. and he would touch my breasts and rub my genitals. This happened a few times, and once again when we moved houses when he shoved my hand on his. I never slept in their room again. The first time he did it, I inspected him when he came home. He acted normal. I called him a monster inside my head.. and I wondered why he did that to me.. and how he can look at me..

He's always been the protective, jealous, overly anger type of person. My mother has suffered mental and physical abuse, but since my older brother is a lot stronger than he is--he has stopped doing so. But he still continues to mentally abuse my mom. My father has not have a job in years.. he is 50 now and doesn't support the family. He is lazy. For 6 years now, he is always on the couch and watching tv. That is all he's doing. Everyday. He is NOT anti social.. he is a lazy bast@rd... my mom working 12 yrs a day.. he is just sitting there.. manipulating her (she is Christian). Finally after 28 years, she has filed a divorce.. it has still yet to pull thru... and he always has tricks down his sleeves so I doubt he is leaving.. and I know he wants money from it too.. i hate him so much.

If i tell my mom about my past, i am sure he will not get any money and the divorce will be final.. but I am scared.. i don't know why.. i pity this guy sometimes..but soemtimes i don't at all.. to me, this is his punishment.. but something is hurting inside me? I use to be a daddy's girl.. but my hatred is overwhelming, I think about spitting in his grave. I also feel very sorry for my mom, she works hard and goes to the hospital often.. and to come home to see my father in the couch watching movies.. it is pathetic.

I am scared to confess to my mother.. she is a fragile woman.. she might go crazy.. and my big brother also.. might beat the cr@@p out of my father.. I don't know if i want the police involved.. In canada the laws are very strict..i don't want him to go to jail, his life is worthless already.. i just want him to go back to his native country and stay with his family.. atleast die in front of someone else's tv..

Anyway can someone give me suggestions? I deal with this everyday, I cry often at night.. but my wish is just for them to have a divorce so my mom can enjoy her life at last.. it is not about me anymore.. I can deal with it.. it's hard, but life goes on.. but my question is if this is right to be used against the court so he can get the hell out?