Domestic violence and abuse ranges over vast and varied demographics - there is no "typical" abuser, and definitely no "typical" victim.  Yes, there are tell-tale behaviors that are screaming, flapping, waving Red Flags and learning what those symptoms are can help potential victims to avoid making life-altering choices in partners, friends, and family communications.

What the General Public is not aware of are the statistical facts with regard to the cycle of abuse and violence.  The public image of an abuser is someone who has been angered and simply out of control of their rages - not true, at all.  Additionally, the public image of a victim is a woman of poverty who has "done something" to enrage her man and, somehow, has deserved the abuse - again, not true.  The people who are affected by abuse and violence goes way beyond the people who are directly involved, and the social ramifications of this cycle is quite significant.  Here are some Facts that have been gathered which represent only those agencies that have received complaints - social services, law enforcement, etc.:

• Nearly 2 in 3 female victims of violence were related to or knew their attacker. (p. iii)

• Over two-thirds of violent victimizations against women were committed by someone known to them: 31% of female victims reported that the offender was a stranger. Approximately 28% were intimates such as husbands or boyfriends, 35% were acquaintances, and the remaining 5% were other relatives. (In contrast, victimizations by intimates and other relatives accounted for only 5% of all violent victimizations against men. Men were significantly more likely to have been victimized by acquaintances (50%) or strangers (44%) than by intimates or other relatives.) (p. 1)

• Almost 6 times as many women victimized by intimates (18%) as those victimized by strangers (3%) did not report their violent victimization to police because they feared reprisal from the offender. (p. 1)

• Annually, compared to males, females experienced over 10 times as many incidents of violence by an intimate. On average each year, women experienced 572,032 violent victimizations at the hands of an intimate, compared to 48,983 incidents committed against men. (p. 6)

• Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend each year to 4 million women who are physically abused by their husbands or live-in partners each year.

• While women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, women are 5 to 8 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.

• Violence by an intimate partner accounts for about 21% of violent crime experienced by women and about 2 % of the violence experienced by men.

• 31,260 women were murdered by an intimate from 1976-1996.

• Females accounted for 39% of the hospital emergency department visits for violence-related injuries in 1994 but 84% of the persons treated for injuries inflicted by intimates.

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline has received more than 700,000 calls for assistance since February 1996. Source: National Domestic Violence Hotline, December 2001
• It is estimated that 503,485 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year in the United States. Source: National Institute of Justice, July 2000
• Studies show that child abuse occurs in 30-60% of family violence cases that involve families with children. Source: "The overlap between child maltreatment and woman battering." J.L. Edleson, Violence Against Women, February, 1999
• Nearly one-third of American women (31 percent) report being physically or sexually abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. Source: Commonwealth Fund survey, 1998
• About 75% of the calls to law enforcement for intervention and assistance in domestic violence occur after separation from batterers. One study revealed that half of the homicides of female spouses and partners were committed by men after separation from batterers (Barbara Hart, Remarks to the Task Force on Child Abuse and Neglect, April 1992)
• Each year, medical expenses from domestic violence total at least $3 to $5 billion. Businesses forfeit another $100 million in lost wages, sick leave, absenteeism and non-productivity. Source: Domestic Violence for Health Care Providers, 3rd Edition, Colorado Domestic Violence Coalition, 1991.
• From 1983 to 1991, the number of domestic violence reports received increased by almost 117%. Source: New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services, 1983 and 1991.
• Violence is the reason stated for divorce in 22% of middle-class marriages. Source: EAP Digest November/December 1991.
• Every year, domestic violence results in almost 100,000 days of hospitalizations, almost 30,000 emergency department visits, and almost 40,000 visits to a physician. Source: American Medical Association. 5 issues American Health. Chicago 1991.
• Studies by the Surgeon General's office reveal that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44, more common than automobile accidents, muggings, and cancer deaths combined. Other research has found that half of all women will experience some form of violence from their partners during marriage, and that more than one-third are battered repeatedly every year. Source: Journal of American Medical Association, 1990.
• Battered women seek medical attention for injuries sustained as a consequence of domestic violence significantly more often after separation than during cohabitation; about 75% of the visits to emergency rooms by battered women occur after separation (Stark and Flitcraft, 1988).
• Women who leave their batterers are at 75% greater risk of severe injury or death than those who stay. Source: Barbara Hart, National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1988.
• It is estimated that 25% of workplace problems such as absenteeism, lower productivity, turnover and excessive use of medical benefits are due to family violence. (Employee Assistance Providers/MN)
• In 92% of all domestic violence incidents, crimes are committed by men against women. Source: "Violence Against Women", Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Department of Justice, January, 1994.
• Of women who reported being raped and/or physically assaulted since the age of 18, three quarters (76 percent) were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabitating partner, date or boyfriend. Source: "Prevalence Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey", U.S. Department of Justice, November, 1998.
• In 1994, women separated from their spouses had a victimization rate 1 1/2 times higher than separated men, divorced men, or divorced women. Source: "Sex Differences in Violent Victimization", 1994, U.S. Department of Justice, September, 1997.
• In 2003, among all female murder victims in the U.S., 30% were slain by their husbands or boyfriends. Source: Uniform Crime Reports of the U.S. 1996, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 2003 (January - June).
• A child exposed to the father abusing the mother is at the strongest risk for transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next. Source: "Report of the American Psychological Association Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family", APA, 1996
• Forty percent of teenage girls age 14 to 17 report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. Source: Children Now/Kaiser Permanente poll, December, 1995.
• Family violence costs the nation from $5 to $10 billion annually in medical expenses, police and court costs, shelters and foster care, sick leave, absenteeism, and non-productivity. Source: Medical News, American Medical Association, January, 1992.
• Husbands and boyfriends commit 13,000 acts of violence against women in the workplace every year. Source: "Violence and Theft in the Workplace", U.S. Department of Justice, July, 1994.
• The majority of welfare recipients have experienced domestic abuse in their adult lives and a high percentage are currently abused. Source: Trapped by Poverty, Trapped by Abuse: New Evidence Documenting the Relationship Between Domestic Violence and Welfare, The Taylor Institute, April, 1997.
• One in five female high school students reports being physically or sexually abused by a dating partner. Source: Massachusetts Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS), August 2001.
• It is estimated that over 90% of all domestic violence is committed in front of children.  Source:  Mayo Clinic, March, 1998.

Relationship Quiz as found on aardvarc.org:

 

Enter the number of points next to each question depending on the severity of each item:

Never: 0 points
Rarely: 1 point
Sometimes: 2 points
Frequently: 3 points

__ My partner teases me in a hurtful way in private or in public

__ My partner calls me names such as "stupid" or "bitch"

__ My partner acts jealous of my friends, family, or co-workers

__ My partner gets angry about clothes I wear or how I style my hair

__ My partner checks up on me by calling, driving by, or getting someone else to

__ My partner insists on knowing who I talk to on the phone

__ My partner blames me for their problems or bad mood

__ My partner gets angry easily, leaving me walking on eggshells

__ My partner throws or destroys things when angry

__ My partner hits walls, drives dangerously or does other things to scare me

__ My partner drinks excessively or uses drugs

__ My partner insists that I drink or use drugs whenever they do

__ My partner accuses me of being interested in someone else

__ My partner reads my mail, goes thru my personal space/items (ie. purse)

__ My partner keeps me from getting a job or finds ways to cause problems at my job

__ My partner keeps money from me, keeps me in debt, or has "money secrets"

__ My partner sold my car, made me give up my license, or won't repair my car

__ My partner has threatened to hurt me

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my children

__ My partner has actually hurt my children

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my pets

__ My partner has actually hurt my pets

__ My partner has threatened to hurt my friends or family

__ My partner has hurt a friend or family member

__ My partner has threatened to commit suicide if I leave

__ My partner has struck me with hands or feet - slapped, punched, kicked

__ My partner has struck me with an object or threatened me with a weapon

__ My partner has given me visible injuries - bruises, welts, cuts

__ I have had to administer first aid to myself due to injuries from my partner

__ My injuries have been serious enough to seek treatment - doctor, hospital, clinic, paramedic

__ My partner forces me to have sex when I don't want to

__ My partner forces me to have sex in ways that I don't want to

__ My partner has been in trouble with the police

__ My partner acts one way in front of others, and another way when we are alone

__ My partner is secretive or lies about past relationships

__ I feel isolated and alone and have no one I can really talk to

__ I have lost friends because of my partner/partner's actions

__ I no longer see some of my family because of my partner

__ I have thought about calling the police because of an incident of violence

__ I have actually called the police on one or more occasions

__ I am afraid to call the police because of threats from my partner

_____ TOTAL POINTS

 

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0-17: Generally Non-abusive

These are likely to be the sorts of strains that are not unusual in relationships. Do NOT, however, make the mistake of brushing off any incident of violence or threat of violence, no matter how isolated!

18-58: Moderately Abusive

This is a home experiencing some violence at least once in a while. It may be that this is a relationship where violence is just beginning. In a new relationship there is good reason to expect it will eventually escalate into more serious forms and may occur more frequently.

59-95: Seriously Abusive

Scores in this range indicate a seriously abusive relationship that can, under outside pressure, or with the sudden strain of a family emergency, move into the dangerously severe range. Serious injury is quite probable if it has not already occurred. Please consider getting help, even leaving.

96 and up: Dangerously Abusive

If you scored in the top range, you need to consider even more seriously the option of leaving, at least temporarily, while you consider your next move. The violence will not take care of itself or miraculously disappear. Over time the chances are very good that your life and/or the lives of your children will be in danger.

So, if you've taken the time to read this entire post and take the Quiz, you've taken some steps to educate yourself on some of the Facts about domestic violence and abuse.  The most important aspect of Statistical Facts to remember is that these numbers are generated by reports, ONLY - this doesn't include the violence that continues unreported as in my own case. 

Nobody does anything to deserve being dehumanized and reduced to rubble either through emotional or physical violence.  The only thing that victims are even remotely "guilty" of is choosing the wrong partner, friend, or family communication.  If children are involved, understand this simple Truth:  they know what is going on, even if they don't "see" their mother being raped or their father being battered.  The children hear the insults and verbal abuse, witness the emotional control, and experience the stress and tension to a point that is beyond clinical description.  If you believe, or Truthfully know, that you are involved in an abusive relationship and living in a violent environment, GET HELP NOW.  Don't wait for "Something To Happen" that will either "fix" the issues, or cause you to run with only the clothing on your back!  Take proactive steps to save your Self and your children, if any are involved.  The abuser will never, ever, ever "get better," nor will he/she take the steps to alter his/her choices in behaviors.  You are not responsible for the abuser's behaviors - understand that, clearly.

Sites that can provide assistance: