Yesterday my father passed away. Though it was not unexpected, it is nevertheless heartbreaking. He has always been my hero and now he is gone.
A couple of years ago my father was in a horrible auto accident where his truck skidded on thin ice and went off the side of a hill leading to an overpass and rolled a few times. Touch and go for awhile, but eventually the doctors put him back together pretty well. That is what mainstream medicine does best. Tragically, some of what mainstream medicine does worst came into play and my father never made it out of the hospital from the day he was first admitted until his death yesterday.
First he got pneumonia and then MRSA, which happens all too often in our hospitals. Those were eventually cleared up, but the MRSA took a very long time and he was pumped full of antibiotics for months and months. In the meanwhile he was given the horrible nutrition of hospital food, very little of which he could likely absorb properly due to the antibiotics killing off his good intestinal flora. Somewhere along the way, wasting away and in pain, he lost the willingness to go through the extensive physical rehab needed to get him out of bed and on his feet. And it was all just maddening for me to not be able to get past the hospital authorities and rest of the family to help him.
When I remember my father, I will not think of the final months and years where he was wasting away. Instead I will remember the good times we had. Though they were far too few, they will be cherished and within my heart forever. So, in a way perhaps I have not really lost him after all.
Goodbye Pops. God how I loved you so.
Some years ago I wrote a couple of songs about my father and the days when the world was filled with wonder and seemingly endless possiblities stretching out before me. They give a gew glimpses of the memories I will hold dear:
"My Daddy's Old Radio"
When I was young my daddy had a cabin at Texoma lake
We’d fish and swim and play all day while the sunlight baked
At sundown we’d sit on the porch and turn on his old radio
. . . I can still recall the songs as if it wasn’t so long agoSixteen tons and what do you get - the whole world in His hands
Davie Crockett and Running Bear and songs about being a man
Kansas City and Abilene and five hundred miles from home
Me and my daddy and my daddy and me
And my daddy’s old radioFather and son together as one – just taking the goodtimes slow
And making some special memories while the fireflies glowed
Me and him and no one else ‘cept a hoot owl in the woods
Daddy sang low, I sang high - and we sounded pretty good-- we sang
Sixteen tons and what do you get - the whole world in His hands
Davie Crockett and Running Bear and songs about being a man
Kansas City and Abilene and five hundred miles from home
Me and my daddy and my daddy and me
And my daddy’s old radioNow that I have grown up, I have a son of my own
He stays wrapped up with the internet and music videos
Sometimes when it’s late at night at the end of a long day
I watch him sleep and close my eyes and still hear the music play . . .Sixteen Tons and what do you get - the whole world in His hands
Davie Crockett and Running Bear and songs about being a man
Kansas City and Abilene and five hundred miles from home
Me and my daddy and my daddy and me
And my daddy’s old radio
and for those who may remember Marty Robbins
"Me and Daddy and Marty Robbins"
When I was a young child, daddy took me
riding in his car
We didn’t go a long distance
But we traveled really farWe’d put our old car’s top down
and Momma would wave goodbye
As we popped a tape in the eight track
and turned the volume way up high. . .and then
It'd be me and daddy and Marty Robbins
Ridin’ on the range
Seein' one world in our windshield
but livin' in yesterdayWe'd be Arizona Rangers
with big irons on our hips
And we'd get all those outlaws
when they made their fatal slipsFrom the streets of Laredo
on down to San Antoine
From the prairie fires of Kansas
to badlands of New MexicoIt was me and daddy and Marty Robbins
Ridin’ side by side
Taming the west and watching for
ghost riders in the skyNow I’m grown and I take my own son
Riding by my side
We open up the moon roof
as Momma waves bye-byeThen I get out our special CD
and let him put it in
And soon there are three amigos
Ridin’ on the range again. . .and now
It’s me and my son and Marty Robbins
Ridin’ on the range
Seein' one world in our windshield
but livin' in yesterdayWe are Arizona Rangers
with big irons on our hips
And we get all those outlaws
when they make their fatal slipsFrom the streets of Laredo
on down to San Antone
From the prairie fires of Kansas
to badlands of New MexicoIt’s me and my son and Marty Robbins
Ridin’ side by side
And daddy’s ridin’ above us now with
ghost riders in the sky
Tony, I know the pain. And it breaks my heart watching you grieve. But I hope you can find comfort in the thought that your dad is not gone. He has merely moved on. Death cannot break the bonds of love. He will be with you forever.
Love,
Luella
By the way, your post touched me so that I gave it a rating.
Love,
Luella