I just want to be done with all of this!  Of course, you 'want to be done with all of this'!  The question would be, why wouldn't you (anyone) feel that way, eh?  Facts: you went to a physician (someone you should be able to trust with health issues that concern you).  The physician betrayed that trust, and unbeknownst to you, gave you a 'medicine' that is actually a chemical poison that affects virtually every aspect of 'who & what you are', and is highly addictive on top of that.  And you're left to discover the truth on your own and deal with the results of it all.  What has happened to you should never happen to anyone - wanting it to be finished is totally understandable (a totally normal & healthy emotion).  Thank you for sharing that, because it helps others that feel the same way to know their feelings are also normal & healthy :)

Now I have totally backsliding on my cleansing Really?  Would that be the real you that's backsliding, or the you that is the recipient/victim of a pharmaceutical poison?  Right!  That's not really you, that's the effect of you being poisoned.

I just want to feel like myself again.....if I even remember what that is.  When the poison is gone from your system and you've repaired the damage (as well as done & learned more healing goodness & truth), not only will you feel like yourself again, you'll feel better than the 'self that was' before you were poisoned.  Whether you remember 'what that self is' or not doesn't actually matter....because your true & pure spirit, mind & emotions are not only permanently and uniquely yours forever, they are imprinted on everything you've ever come into contact with in your entire life.  I guarantee you, "you" are still 100% you, and you are still 'in there'.

Have I completely ruined my healing process? Not unless you've somehow managed to 'do in a week' the undoing of many months/years that you've done already (which is impossible), or if you've given up entirely (which you haven't).  So nope, you haven't ruined your healing process...you've just hit a bump in the road that's part of the healing process.  A steady upward trend on the graph is all we're looking for...those graph lines always have some dips.  

I halted all cleansing for a week and I don't even really know why.  Why is likely because you've been smacked with the very real physical & mental effects of withdrawing off a highly addictive poison.  I bet you'd 'know why' if this were happening to one of your precious children, eh?  And you'd give them all the love, acceptance & encouragement they truly deserve.  You deserve the same!  You're not a machine just because you're a mommy & wife - you're a human being that responds to physical & mental poisons like a wounded human being does.

I am just a mess! While juicing and taking the ashwaganda and superfood I was feeling pretty good! Why then would I stop? It makes no sense at all! Nothing seems to make much sense.  I'm thinkin' the reason is...drug withdrawals (suck).  Anything you can do or add is 100% better than doing nothing.  Even doing nothing, but knowing you're going to be doing something (while waiting out the withdrawal symptoms) is 100% better than you were doing before. What you're experiencing is not "you"; it's the effect of a drug & the withdrawal symptoms it causes.  You can't hold yourself to the same 'accountability yardstick' when you're going through harsh withdrawals as you do when you're not...and you certainly shouldn't be whacking yourself with that yardstick!  Beating yourself up when you're struggling isn't exactly the best healing plan of action, eh?  Your best friend right now? EFT http://curezone.com/forums/fm.asp?i=1711602#i

You are going to win this battle - what you are experiencing is 100% normal and to be expected!  You're not a loser (nor have you lost) simply because your body/mind/emotions are experiencing the very real effects of withdrawing from a very real addictive chemical.  I believe in the real you Tricia...the real you is not going to have gone through all this just to start over and do it again!  This time you're going to make it to the end-victory and be free of it forever!

'Sorry the road is so rough right now!

Blessings,

Uny