Hi All,

I'm overwhelmed by the latitude & possibilities provided by curezone which I've only discovered in the last 2weeks when I began researching alternative medicine for my father whose been diagnosed with lung cancer...I'd never thought of researching alternative medicine for Epilepsy before although I've been epileptic ever since I can remember; i've been through a journey of thorough upheaval in almost every category from medical, psychological, physical, mental, emotional, sexual, marital etc. - BUT I've MANAGED TO RECOVER MY LIFE with the grace of our Almighty Creator. This is an account of just how just how i got myself back. Please excuse the long post but I'm Epileptic for 40+ years & i've recovered in the last 14. This is my story which I'm hoping will inspire others to fight back...

The earliest memories of school, are a day-dream recollection in bits & pieces...I was petit-mal but in that age the classes were so large, that nobody noticed & if they did -passed it off as day-dreaming. Throughout primary school I remember wearing a blazer to school where I was able to hide my hand that twitched occasionally or "flew out" without my control. Also, when standing with a group of friends I'd noticed that I'd "filter out during a topic" & when I'd return would try to catch the thread & fit in again. Sometimes friends noticed I was "gone" & just put it to "dreaming". Not even family noticed & my school reports never gave me away, until I reached 1st yr high school @ age12/13, when whilst writing my final external exam, I got a grand-mal fit with the twitch when it came. Even then they thought it was the stress of the exam, but it recurred whilst on holiday in the ff. month. Then the medical roller-coaster began.

Up until this time I had a hectic psychological history, in that I had been sexually abused as a kid by a relative which up to this day nobody except a psychiatrist knows about...Also I grew up in a peculiar situation where I was raised by my uncle & aunt since a baby (another long drawn story), all the time knowing my biological parents, & experiencing a terrible tug-o-war which affected me terribly psychologically. I always remember being emotionally fragile & aloof, considering myself "different" from my peers in every regard. I became a prime attention seeker, prepared to substitute sympathy for love, & succumbed into marriage to the first guy who i thought would be the answer to pull me out of this disastrous parents/epileptic/me triangle. Materially i'v always had everything I wanted, but emotionally i was a mess.

The medical roller-coaster was crazy after the grand-mal episode of the exam & ff. the ones on vacation. I was admitted to hospital on my return,& went through, MRI; CAT-scan, lumber-puncture(which pain I still flinch to when I remember it)etc. - confirming Epilepsy. Then it was a medley of physician & neuro-surgeon ,then psychiatrist when trying to fathom trigger factors. I started on Epilim,then added Garoin, switched to Tegretol, finally using a cocktail of TegretolCR200; Lamictin(50), Rivotril(0.5)- 3x a day. Every fit I'd got was administered with a higher dose of the cocktail & a strong Valium injection. The side effects of the medication were strangling me, - beginning with the drowsiness which was the worst; then memory lapses; then that slowing down feeling which I fought with a vengeance - i felt more sick with the medication than i did before it when I'd lived Epileptic life without adult intervention. But being told medication would "cure" me, everyone made sure I pursued the route religiously. i managed to complete high school & university entrance but couldn't manage the large auditorium lectures & dropped out within a year. Instead, I got married to a high school sweetheart.

The emotional upheaval that pursued a see-saw of marriage problems deteriorated my Epileptic condition. With every fit I was landing myself in hospital, & subsequently the doses of medication increased. I was slowly being turned into an almost incapacitated being- i was slowly getting slower. A few yrs into marriage when things seemed 2b ironed out regarding marital relationship, I rebelled when told by doctors that I couldn't have children, & that if I did, the medication would cause them 2b abnormal. I didn't want to be the reason my husband would have no children, so I put my trust in God, stopped taking the medication, & fell pregnant 3 times in 6 years. The 1st pregnancy I was in & out of hospital the whole 9 months, but by the grace of the Almighty, my baby was born normal& healthy(in university now). The 2nd pregnancy followed less of the 1st pattern, but I experienced severe Depression in not being able to look after my 1st kid 100% - I needed assistance especially in the mornings when I was too drugged to manage anything, leave alone send the child off to school. I still struggled & tried to live as normal a life as possible, engaging in activities that kept my mind & creativity active. I was an avid reader, & wrote a lot; poems, snippets etc. I kept up hobbies I'd enjoyed like oil painting which i felt calmed me. I also insisted on keeping up the driving, because I'd always had an aura when a fit was evident. Important to mention that I was always spiritually inclined throughout my youth, & prayed avidly. As the years passed so did my spiritual bond strengthen & increase. Every success & opening & overcoming of hurdles I overtly tribute to my Creator & Sustainer, the One & only Almighty God.

During the 2nd pregnancy @ 8mnths, was the 1st time an aura overtook me whilst driving & my baby & I were lucky to survive the crash - the car was a right-off. I've never driven again, although I'm still often tempted. The Depression at this time worsened so when the doctor offered to induce labour @ the end of 9mnths, I grabbed the chance wholeheartedly. Big mistake. The induction caused me to fit whilst giving birth, of which i have no recollection. The last thing I remember is begging the nurse to believe that I was indeed ready to push & give birth, whilst she insisted the doctor said I'd 2-3 hrs to go. My baby was born normal, but I was badly messed up after the birth. The first memory I have of after the birth is 5-6 days later. The 3rd pregnancy was a breeze in comparison, & by then my gynae said he'd tie my tubes with or without my permission! I agreed to a ligation not wanting to push my luck.

The Epilepsy caused multiple fractions in my marriage responsibilities which I was unable to cope with due to the medication & side effects. The more emotional upheaval I underwent, the more frustration, the more tears, the worse the epilepsy. I was falling all over the place with the fits which were escalating considerably , & so neuro visits increased. Every visit ended in blood tests to check medication levels (almost every fortnight) thus so did the medication doses increase. I was now taking up to 1800mg of TegretolCR200 a day along with lamictin, & rivotril. I was losing the person I knew me to be, along with the vigour - intelligence, self-sufficiency, & always in control. Every part of me, physical & mental was reduced to that of a slow almost dyslexic person with slow slurring speech. If I went to the fridge I stood there 10 mins trying to remember what I went there for...Anyone who saw me, regarded me as "not totally normal".

FINALLY LIGHT IN THIS TUNNEL
When my marriage hit bottom, I'd reached an ultimatum of carrying on or dropping it. I then decided to hang on for the sake of the children. My first step was to re-capture my life back from the Epilepsy. I'd decided that I'd rather live a life of quality with the fits & be more in control of my life in seeing to my kids, than being the incapable medicated life of a zombie. I had many creative hobbies which I'd indulged in up until this time which required a good deal of fine detail & concentration, like embroidery, patchwork, beadwork, sewing etc. as well as reading. Also computers had come out in my country & I was enthralled by its future prospects & possibilities, so I'd spent much time on it.

I dropped EVERYTHING - TV, computer, above hobbies etc. including the MEDICATION. I tried to see how long I could pull without the medication, but when I got an aura I took the cocktail along with a strong valium to knock myself out. Slowly days turned to weeks & months, with the intervals between fits gradually increasing. I regained control of my life, & slowly re-introduced my passions into my life but cut out watching long stints of TV, & drastically cutting down the fine handiwork I did. I opted for reading books which I wouldnt do for long stretches at a time. As my confidence was revived, so did my destiny. I came across a book on Right-Brained Writing by Felicity Keats who happened to be South African. The book caught my attention & interest because I'd always written according to the guides she marked without "knowing it was a relevant method of writing"(this too I attribute to Divine guidance, as so many other things that unravelled themselves to be formulated & beneficial, but which I was already doing without knowing that.) I contacted her & accepted an invitation to her writing club. What ensued was publication of my short stories that came out of the writing sessions. I followed through with a Microsoft Computers diploma, & each time I felt I was stagnating, I oiled my brain with another course. I followed through with a Computer Graphics Diploma, wrote various mini spiritual manuscripts, a booklet on Life orientation, & kept up the poetry. A few years ago I decided to take the plunge & bag the one thing that had eluded me - a degree. I'm almost completing a long distance education degree. I've also compiled an anthology of my poems which has been published but not yet marketed. I've also prepared other anthropological works which I hope to publish one day God willing.

Let me also underline that my emotional life is not 100% yet, but I have my spirituality, achievements & vision of the future to propel me forward. I still have my bouts once in a while when emotional upsets affect me, & I've kept to the regimen of taking the cocktail when I feel an aura coming on. Its been +/- 15 yrs, & when I bump into my now internationally acclaimed neuro now & then, he nods his @ my example, but calls me a walking time bomb who needs to be in his rooms! After discovering curezone, I have every intention to conquer the rest of my Epilepsy trying inexpensive alternate treatments like veg juicing etc.

My message to all is that a fit is equivalent to an uninitiated computer shutdown. Just as we try to work out what caused the computer to do so, its up to the individual to work out the trigger factors. No doubt it may be a long drawn affair sifting & finding it out, but we owe it to ourselves to listen to others' testimonials, and work out the puzzle. I say, if another person's suggestion of cure does not go against religious principle, is logical to your balanced judgement, & makes some form of scientific sense to you; it does not deplete your dignity nor your well-being - give it a try. There definitely is light at the end of a tunnel, its just up to us to have faith in the One who has Created us & continues to sustain us, & to be courageous, patient, & steadfast on the path to reach it. During this journey I knew that God existed, but I also knew that something in my spiritual connection was deficient or lacking for me to not have reached a sense of inner peace. Logic told me that if there was a God which there obviously was, then that God had definitely placed a system & manual for His creation on how to live every aspect of our life from gaining physical & spiritual well-being to dealing with relationships & everyday affairs; including an explanation of the workings of our planet, nature, solar system; & of death & afterlife. I vowed to search for these truths with pure honesty, responsibility, & a balanced judgement in order to reach my goal of inner peace. The only book I found to have been untampered by human hands; that makes complete sense; & has a logical answer for every question,& shows scientific proofs, & holds a wholly tangible sense when the whole system is seen from in or out of the box - was the Quran, & I've tried to stick to its guidance. thank you for sharing my story, & I wish you complete good heath & well-being & clear vision.