This is the first time I have written this down and I would like to have constructive replies about an emotional outburst I had. I am now 35 and this happened about eight years ago.

I am quite a shy person, bullied at school, suicidal, nervous breakdown. I am introverted and never had a relationship. I am not an arrogant person, I don't have a huge ego and very down to Earth.

The situation is as follows (I won't name names but F is female and M is male):

I am at work and I am interested in F1, I asked her out, she said "yes" but then she goes out with M1 (who also works there) who was very arrogant and had a huge ego just so F1 could get sex out of him.

I asked another worker, F2, about F1 and she told me that F1 was too full of herself and that "no girl is worth the effort".

But then I suspected that F2 might have been interested me (and I really liked her). Because of what happened, we were both too shy to say something. She also has a friend, F3, who also works in the same place.

When F1 dumps M1, M1 has sex with F2 on the rebound and F3 finds out because she also fancied M1. In fact, F2 could have sex any time she liked. When M2 told me this had happened, I was beginning to change my mind about F2. I am not too impressed with girls who don't have much self respect.

(I hope you are keeping up with this)

I decided to have the guts, through someone else, to ask F2 out. I was informed F2 was engaged to someone else who, like M1, seemed to be far more interested in himself.

Up until this point F2 had been avoiding me like the plague. I had sent her an email that I didn't understand why she had kept avoiding me and she shouldn't worry ("You can say hello if you like, I don't bite" kind of thing). I also sent a separate email to F3 (her friend) saying I didn't understand why girls expect blokes to do all the hard work.

So one night I was in a pub with M3. F2 walked past me and said hello rather nervously. Her friend, F3, came up behind her and proceeded to put her arms around me trying to strangle me. I reciprocated and gave her a hug (which hadn't happened too often so I made the most of it)

(I hope you are still keeping up with this)

F2 saw this and proceeded to get upset and asked to go into the toilets with F3 (I envisioned the conversation). M2 meanwhile walks up to me like a caveman and threatened me.

I walked out the pub and tried to put it behind me. I found out through M3, that F3 asked why I had problem talking to girls face to face (I am still quite a self-conscious person and I am not what you might call a masculine looking person. On an age guessing website the youngest guess I've had is 13).

It was then that I sent F3 an email basically venting saying that it was F2's loss, not mine and if thats what it comes down too I would rather not bother having a girlfriend. If she wanted to go out with an arrogant bloke, that was her decision.

F2 obviously found out about this and sent me an email having a go. I sent a reply apologising and I probably deserved it but I also said I wondered whether I had missed anything (because she kept avoiding me and I didn't know what to think).

I then find out that not only does F2 break off the engagement but I also ruined her friendship with F3.

I had looked at F2's myspace page and she had filled out a questionnaire. One of the questions was "Have you had any past regrets" and her reply was "I've had a few".

In 2008, I sent F2 a message through Facebook saying that I regret what I said and did and for all the trouble I caused at the time (but hadn't mentioned looking at her myspace page). I also sent a separate email to F3 saying the same. I didn't receive a reply from either.

I think about what happened a lot though it isn't bad as used to be.

Do I send them both another email or do I just let it go completely? I still feel terribly guilty about all the trouble I caused, especially ruining their friendship.


Apologies this is so long.