The thing that I learned after divorcing an abusive spouse was that it was imperative for me to find ME and fill that void with my Self (Self = that which makes me unique).  Being "comfortable" with one's Self will preclude the "want" of having a relationship and, when it happens, it will happen when it's supposed to.  You hadn't mentioned how long you'd been available since your long-term relationship ended, what the circumstances were, or anything else that might be applicable.

Yes, it's very chic to sleep with people that we date, but this can set us up for serious issues - sex becomes a precursor to committment, rather than a beautiful by-product of a loving, trusting, honest, respectful, encouraging, and supportive relationship.  Personally, I would suggest taking things slowly, carefully, and wisely.  Apply whatever valuable lessons you learned from the previous relationship in a practical sense - use your head rather than your emotions to avoid replacing one problem with another.

Additionally, in these days of escalating abuse and rampant sociopathy, I would run a background check on anyone that I intended to date.  Yeah, I know it sounds extreme and I agree, but I've experienced several episodes (including the ex spouse) that might have been avoided if I had been proactive and chosen to run a background check.  A couple of these episodes didn't even involve a romantic involvement!  LOL

Good luck to you and best wishes!

Whoa - - hold your horses, your veering way off course!!

First of all, you need to sharpen your perspective.  You are wanting to rush into defining a situation way before it has had the time to take shape.  Let's look at some of the terms associated with the word "relationship":

• Kinship
• Affinity
• Bond
• Emotional connectedness
• Friendship

Notice these are all things that take time to develop.  They require exploring areas of mutual understanding and passion, discovering various levels of trust, finding out about new potentials, forming a log of experiences and memories, aquiring mutual fiendships with others as a couple, etc.

What a realtionship is not, is something that you rapidly seek to put together and stick a label on just because you have spent some time with a person and have slept with him.  Which brings me to the point of  - and call me old fashioned, I know-  why it's a good idea to wait a good while before you get intimately involved with anyone before the friendship has had the time to mature.

A relationship needs to happen, or not, naturally.  It is the result of two people who have found each other and realize that their personal exchanges are worth pursuing.  That pursuit sometimes leads to lasting commitment.  However there is an order and a sequence which must occur without prodding.  You can not try to help a worm out of its coccoon by prying it open.  You'll have a worm, not a butterfly.  Nature takes its time - do likewise.

A sense of anxiety, fear and insecure expectation is not the foundation for a good relationship.  When that is the case, it is better to wait until one has a healthy outlook and strong feelings of self-worth before opening up to others in intimacy.  Otherwise, one easily becomes the recipient of unnecessary pain.

In conclusion> there really is no HOW.  This isn't a series of calculated steps that you need to follow after the roll of dice.  Think of it the same as you would when you make friends with another woman at work or school.  You start talking, you develop a kinship and soon you are out having lunch out and shopping together.  It's no different with a man,...well, er...'xcept for the sex thing, of course.   But if you just concentrate on building friendhip with a man the same way that you naturally go about it with a female, then you're on to something.  Believe it or not, it's no different.

Guys want a woman that they can relate to comfortably, someone with whom they want to spend time because they make them feel special and at ease.  No one, man or woman, wants to be with someone just because that person doesn't  want to be alone and didn't find anyone else.  I'm not saying this is you, but you catch my drift.

Just have fun and enjoy this guy for now.  Be the sort of company anyone would enjoy; fun, attentive, considerate, interesting.  Let TIME do the rest.  Later you may both discover you want to pursue commitment - or not.

Being hurt is part of a gamble we must all take in life, there's no way to avoid it sometimes.  The key is developing the kind of resilience it takes to get back up quickly and unscathed.  This also takes time, but you CAN do it!

Above all, be your own best friend first.