I am absolutely heart broken. Tonight I found out that my 15 year old and my 11 year old sons have been 'touching each other'. I think it has happened at least 5 times. I had NO idea this was going on. I am home with them ALL the time, they are never left home alone together. I worked outside the home from 05-09 but my work schedule revolved around their school schedule, I was ALWAYS home before they got off the bus. I've been unemployed for the last 7 months so I am ALWAYS home with them! the incidents apparently happened when they were in my older sons bedroom playing video games. tonight I walked in and my younger son jumped up from the chair, quickly pulling up his underwear and shorts. my oldest son was on the bed next to him, but fully dressed. when I asked them to tell me what they were doing the youngest at first tried to say "nothing". the oldest admitted right away that they were touching each other. my older son says he doesn't know why he does it. my younger son said his brother gave or promised him things like beating a level on a video game for him. I am stunned and hurt and just so very sad.

my older son just finished his first year in high school and it has been rough. he has been bullied often. his grades dropped and he barely passed at the end. I already had an appointment with a therapist for him regarding the school stuff, his anger management issues and his obvious lingering Depression over his father and I divorcing 5 years ago. The appointment is scheduled for next week. I struggled to get the referral for that appointment for quite some time, I was planning to ask the therapist at that appointment if she would see my other two children as well (I have another son, in between the ages of the two I mention in this post. he apparently did not know anything about this and was not involved in any way).

my younger son has ADHD, is immature for his age, has some social issues like difficulty making/keeping friends. these are problems we have been dealing with since he was 4/5 so it's not anything that recently surfaced with this incident. He has been meeting with his school social worker weekly for the last few years.

I talked to both of the boys separately. I assured both of them that I still loved them and that I was not angry with them but that what they were doing was not right. I told them they would both need to talk to a counselor about it.

I just don't know what to do. I can't tell my family about this. I can't tell my friends about this. I don't know who to talk to. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. I found this board while doing a search for information.

I am going to call the therapist in the morning to see if I can move the appointment up. I also looked up another therapist to see if I can get my younger son in there asap. I know they will both need extensive therapy. My heart breaks at the thought of either of them carrying this on into adulthood and being totally screwed up. I asked my older son if someone had ever touched him in an inappropriate way, he said no. I don't understand WHY he would do this. I am absolutely sick to my stomach over this. I love my son but how will I even look at him now without seeing this?! Why would he hurt his brother like this?! I am TERRIFIED at the thought of telling my ex. I LOVE my boys and I do NOT want them taken away. I'm afraid my ex will find a way to blame me for this. After all, they were in my care when it happened.

I don't know what I expect to come of my posting here. But I needed to just tell someone and this was the only way I could think to do it.

If anyone out there has been through this I would really appreciate hearing how you dealt with everything.