Your post leaves a lot of unanswered questions.  Your issues are fear, control, and standing up for yourself.  So I assume that with all this you avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs.  In a relationship of 13 years, no matter how good it is, these factors have to affect the relationship in one way or another.  And the question comes to mind, do you consider it a good relationship because you always put yourself second or last?

The thing is, the way we were raised and the impressions made upon us in childhood follow us throughout the rest of our lives.

However, this can be undone with proper therapy.  There are qualified therapists out there that can help you heal and give you balance.  All it takes is looking.  The bottom line for someone living with these issues is low self-esteem.   I do want to say that these issues are not resolved immediately.  It sometimes takes time for healing and self discovery to take place.

Good luck to you and I wish you my best.

Luella