I work with blind adults and children. Often times, I am their only contact with people outside of their families and sometimes those families are dysfunctional. I try to help them with independence but sometimes they begin to depend on me. It is painful to disengage but as a teacher I must not allow my students to depend on me for their happiness. The light I met in a Near Death Experience I had also wanted me to learn about love.... even though that light was the sum of all love...

I have felt abandoned by the light at times and still I wake up each morning joyful... filled with hope... By the evening time though... I am sometimes willing to ditch my relationship... When my bones are weary and my heart is broken...again.... I long for what I see is a new earth emerging and I know I must do my part... The burden is light...all I must do is be joyful... love unconditionally... and it will just happen... but I am dependent on my teacher when it is I who must make it happen for me...

It is not that I need to forget my teacher or even fall out of love with her but she wants me to grow beyond depending on her for my happiness... Y-h is a sweet a compassionate being of light but it is high time I honor her by being joyful when she is not carrying me... Some students can do miracles when their teacher is right behind them but I am most proud of a student who moves on and years later comes back to tell me how they have grown. In some ways I have grown... I am glad to have grown and I am glad to report back in/// in the mornings...but I hope one day I can come back and while even my heart is being broken... I will remember how to respond to those who break my heart with more grace and dignity...

rudi