Stop Defending Your Self-Image 
LuellaMay
15 y
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Stop Defending Your Self-Image
Over the years you have built an idealized self-image that you defend as “me.” In this image are packed all the things you want to see as true about yourself; banished from it are all the shameful, guilty, and fear-provoking aspects that would threaten your self-confidence.
But the very aspects you try to push away return as the most insistent, demanding voices in your head. The act of banishment creates the chaos of your internal dialogue, and thus your ideal erodes even while you are doing everything to look good and feel good about yourself.
To really feel good about yourself, renounce your self-image. Immediately you will find yourself being more open, undefended, and relaxed.
Much time is spent in self-help trying to turn a bad self-image into a good one. As reasonable as that sounds, all self-images have the same pitfall: They keep reminding you of who you were, not who you are. The whole idea of I, me, and mine was erected on memories, and these memories are not really you. If you release yourself from your self-image, you will be free to choose as if for the first time.
Self-image keeps reality away, particularly at the emotional level. Many people don’t want to admit what they are actually feeling. Their self-image dictates that being angry, for example, or showing anxiety is not permissible. Such feelings don’t accord with the “kind of person I want to be.”
Certain emotions feel too dangerous to be part of your ideal image of yourself, so you adopt a disguise that excludes those feelings. Deep-seated rage and fear belong in this category, but sadly so does immense joy, ecstasy, or freewheeling spontaneity.
You stop being ruled by self-image when: You feel what you feel, you are no longer offended by things, you stop appraising how a situation makes you look, you don’t exclude people you feel superior or inferior to, you quit worrying about what others think about you, you no longer obsess over money, status, and possessions, and you no longer feel the urge to defend your opinions.
Adapted from The Book of Secrets, by Deepak Chopra (Harmony Books, 2004).
http://www.care2.com/greenliving/stop-defending-your-self-image.html
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- I kinda agree with this and kinda do... healinginHiswings
15 y
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This is a reply to # 1,507,140On the one hand, many of us have a professional image we have to maintain. We represent a product or a company or a concept to the public. We can't let our guard down. We have to be sharp, confident, quick thinking, "people" people, salesmen, poised, organized, well groomed, and effective communicators. We are leaders and role models. We have a reputation within our communities or businesses to maintain.
On the other hand, we all need a safe place to just "be," and I think this is what Deepak is referencing. I think we women are at an advantage here, because we can chat "all day" with our girlfriends, sisters, and mothers about our feelings, and are assured of ample empathies and shared stories. I think it's important that we cultivate close friendships so that we can share our deepest secrets and know we won't be judged for them.
The men I know have a much more difficult time letting go of their male ego personas and showing "the real man." Feelings for a lot of men seem to be limited to "good," or "bad," and maybe "angry." I think it's important for males to have a fishing buddy or to be able to go camping for some male bonding time. I think it's important, too, for women to help men open up and express their true feelings. Perhaps we can do that best through humor and just having fun together.
What a gift it is to have friends who love you just the way you are and don't carry any expectations. Those are the friends you will treasure for life. :)
Wings
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- Re: I kinda agree with this and kind... LuellaMay
15 y
1,021
This is a reply to # 1,508,047
I believe what Deepak is saying here, something that I deeply believe and try to live by daily is......... Be who you really are. This is the recipe for true happiness. Get rid of all pretenses. Take the mask off. We can follow our daily routine, even while representing our employers, we can still be poised, organized, well groomed and effective communicators and be more effective if the real person shows through.
However, this may be a difficult concept because many of us don't really "know" who we really are. We are too caught up in the facades of life to the point that sometimes, even we believe that we are this persona that we have created. Getting to know the real person within sometimes takes a lot of work. I know at one time, it did for me. This applies to both men and women.
Deepak also makes a very important point. We should own up to our emotions at any given moment. Know how we feel. This doesn't mean that they should be outwardly apparent to everyone we encounter in our daily routines, but we should not negate these feelings. This is who we are at the moment, what we feel. We do not have a problem showing people when we are joyful, yet how do we deal with anger and hurt? This can be done constructively, by effective means of communication. Yet, all in all, this article is saying........ Be who you really are.
The last paragraph of the article is most important. Once we take all the masks off and just be, we reach a certain peace. If someone offends us....... "Who cares?" When we reach that point, we are able to still love that person for who and what they are. We are all on the same journey, some of us are just at different levels. Once we realize this, it is all okay. We realize that no one is better or lesser than we are, for the truth is, we are all equal. Money? Possessions? It's just "stuff." It really has no bearing on true happiness. True happiness comes from within.
Living life with all the facades torn down and all the masks removed really does make one's life more effective, and certainly more peaceful in all areas.
Hugs,
Luella
- Re: I kinda agree with this and kind... LuellaMay
15 y
1,021
- I kinda agree with this and kinda do... healinginHiswings
15 y
1,258
