I wish this was simpler. I wish I had a definitive answer for you.

If this were me....

I'd want you to cook me dinner, or go someplace intimate. Over dinner, I'd want you to tell me all those things you said. I'd want you to look me straight in the eyes when you do tell me.

Tell me you understand how I must feel, and validate me for having feelings. Say that every women has feelings about something with their looks.

Say that it must be hard being a women in this society. I'd want you to talk about how society has made women feel inferior, ugly, hairy and fat.

Talk about how sexy I am, and no matter what I may be thinking, there is someone here, accountable and present that will always think I'm beautiful.

Tell me that you are not superficial. That you wouldn't think any less of me, no matter what I am wearing, having a bad hair day, etc. Say that only superficial men would care. Say that every time you look at me, all you want is sex (if you're a guy, that's probably true, right?)

After that, tell me I am funny, smart...whatever personality traits that attracted you to me.

Tell me that men are just not that detail oriented. They do not dissect women as much as women dissect women.

Tell me that the one thing that would make you happiest, is for me just not to worry too much about all the details. Life is too good, and too short.

Tell me that if anyone out there wants to judge me, they don't deserve my company. If they are judging, then it just means they have insecurities of their own to deal with.

And, in the end, tell me you could care less if I looked like Big Foot. YOU are my SAFE HARBOR.

This is exactly what my husband of 23 years has relayed to me, throughout all the years of being fat, zitty, hairy, bad hair cuts. I wouldn't trade that man for the world.

Good Luck, Peace Molly