I have a long distance bf. We have relationship about 5 years; however we are far from each other for1.5 year. He has gone anther country for a job opportunity sine 1.5 year ago. I get depressed about 5 months before he left country. My Depression was too severe as far as I was going to suicide several times. The collection of reasons was caused this depression. I go to psychiatric and also I use some drugs since 1.5 year ago. I have severe PMS and one of my drugs is in order to reduce my PMS. Sometimes my PMS lasts for even 2 weeks at month. When we were together, my PMS was not severe. I say to him that doesn’t ask me my emotions; opinions and thoughts because of they are negative and false. All of our arguments and struggles have happened at these times. He says to me that understands me but doesn’t understand my bad behavior and talks. I come back to normal situation immediately after my PMS. He expects that I repair after that. I feel like under pressure because I should repair fulltime due to things I am not guilty and they are not on intention. This takes plenty of energy from me. On top of all, he feels like that I don’t support him and or I don’t pay attention him and even I don’t try to find some ways in order to solve it. We love each other a lot however we are far from each other and without any physical relationship we even didn’t see each other since 1.5 year ago because he is in USA and hasn’t green card and if he left there it may that he couldn’t get visa and lose his job. And also I can’t go there because of the USA doesn’t give visa for me. I had one relationship with another boy for 2 weeks recently. I said to him that after 10 days. That relationship was just due largely to not to have sex for 1.5 year. I was under pressure too and I couldn’t sleep nights even I had much more dreams about having sex with different men. He would be too upset after he understands that relationship, I couldn’t cause to his upset that’s why I broke up that relationship and promised him that I never do that again and I will be only with him forever and I will be only his love. Unfortunately, after one week my PMS started and he asked me my thoughts about himself and his goals. I told him I am in bad mood and in my PMS. But he persisted and I answered some gossip, unmeaning and trashy. He is too upset with me and he feel hurt by me for both of them I mean that relationship and those talks. I wonder what I should do.
I fall in love and I would like support him however I have a chronic mental tiredness and this causes I couldn’t stand these pressures from him. Please help me
Thanks for your valuable advices in advance
YK