by Heather Brown Truman

"I believe that words can help us move or keep us paralysed, and that our choices of language and verbal tone have something — a great deal — to do with how we live our lives and whom we end up speaking with and hearing; and that we can deflect words by trivialization, of course, but also by ritualized respect, or we can let them enter our souls and mix with the juices of our minds."

I know that this is true. The above quote makes me think about the way language is used everyday. To build and to destroy. How crucial it is to everything that we do and how we perceive our lives.

Just look at the words our president used in his speech recently. How the news is filled with "spin", how we talk to our loved ones and co-workers, and how they talk with us, how my teenager talks to his friends and family. How I can say I love you in several different tones and it means different things each time.

I know language is magic. I have always believed(even when I was tiny) that if I wrote something down, that magic would happen, providence if you will.

For example: My teenager is currently living back at home with me. He has returned from his first ever living experience with his birth father, emotionally drained and troubled. I am now in a position of needing to heal and re-educate my son in the ways of the warrior.
His father is a Human that can be very hard to communicate with, without it becoming a fight. Hard feelings on all sides. I have to monitor the way I communicate with my son, his father, and the surrounding adults and friends. I have to not only think of what I am saying, but also the correct tone to convey information, and emotion.

In order to do those things effectively, I have written a small outline for the conversation that I need to have with his father. In that outline, I have the major points that need to be expressed, but more important to me, I have written behavior notes to myself.

Such as,I will remain, calm when discussing money (an emotional subject for the best of us), I will remain firm but loving when talking about visitation. I will remember that we all deal with emotions differently, and all of us have internal dialogues going on with ourselves during stressful times.

I can not control anyone else or their emotions or reactions to an emotionally charged stimulus. I can only control myself and how I react to any given situation. I am my master, no one else's. I am not responsible for others maturity or lack there of. I am no longer afraid of anyone or anything. I will remember that this could turn out well, in the end. It could be a positive exchange.

I will try to remain optimistic and not fatalistic when dealing with uncomfortable situations. I will try to remember that this is not comfortable for him either.

I will hope for the best, and not expect the worst. I will try not to expect anything. I will approach this situation with a clean slate, no baggage, old tapes, or wounds. I will remember that we show and express love differently and in accordance to our internal dialogues and inner laws.
I will try as hard as I possibly can to NOT JUDGE.
I will remember that I can end any situation any time I want to. I can walk away. I can control myself. I can be firm and poised without being cold and harsh.
I can do this. I have done this. I have been doing this for years.

Confrontation is never easy for any human.
I will do it again, and again, and again, ad infinitum, because my ultimate goal is the best I can do for my treasure, my miracle, my son.
My motivation is love, not control.
If I had wanted to remain in control I would never let anything bad happen to my baby. That would not have made him a better MAN, it would have weakened him.
This world is a tough, confusing, cold place sometimes. Rose colored glasses don't do a thing, but perspective is a saving grace.

I can change the way this feels and impacts me by looking at it from different angles.
I could tell myself, "OK the Bastard is at it again, I wish this was over, I can't wait till he turns 18 and I'll finally be done, how can he be so ignorant?!" (thats the one that runs thru my head in a loop sometimes)
Or I can think about it like this, "I have another real world chance to show my son by example of a healthy way to be and express anger and frustration, stand up for yourself, and be brave and honorable. And I have the chance to possibly make a difference in my ex-mates real relationship with his son. This time it might work out OK, but I can handle it even if it does not and so can my son."
So, I go forth to the battle field of everyday life, I am a peaceful warrior, I will not fail, because I will never give up. I am not perfect, I will make mistakes, I will just never let my mistakes stand in the way of my success. I will live my life, on my terms. I can not control my circumstance, I can only control my reaction to it. There is only one Master here, only one, My Theory Of One. Me. I give myself power by writing these words and giving them to the universe as my prayer, my offer, my command. This is my magic, I am the seeker, Let it Be.

Stay Tuned...for further reports from the front lines of this reporter grrrls struggle to maintain sanity in an insane world. Just Do It!
What are you thinking? Tell me. Can you relate?
Just Today, Just Imagine.
Growing In Truth,
Heather
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