>
> This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to
>American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products.
>She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's
>2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
>
>
> Dear Mr. Thatcher,
>
>
>
> I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for
>over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the
>LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
>riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and
>down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
>your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
>enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
>can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a
>little F-16 in my pants.
>
>
>
> Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm
>guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now.
>As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through
>my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be
>transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with
>knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
>
>
>
> As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've
>no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during
>your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know
>about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our
>intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You
>surely realize it's a tough time for most women.
>
>
>
> The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that
>America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which
>brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes
>of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my
>uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive
>backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
>
>
>
> Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part
>of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual
>smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did
>anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it,
>James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never
>be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on
>Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't
>march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a
>sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
>
>
>
> For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have
>to slap a m*o*o*nic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to
>say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
>'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',
>
>
>
> Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that,
>effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for
>I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
>certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
>brand of condescending BS. And that's a promise I will keep.
>Always. .
>
>
>
> Best,
>
>
>
> Wendi Aarons
>
> Austin , TX
>
>
>