Today I am doing well. Yesterday my arm was very very sore and painful to move. Now that is fine, but it has been replaced with a pounding headache. After I drank some water, it felt better, so I am wondering if my lack of water intake affected that headache. LOL I didn't have enough water on the brain! I thnk my ketones must be high because I get that naueous feeling and it is my 4th day so I need to drink a bit more water then I have been. I had only about 20 oz yesterday so far today about 30 oz.

I did EFT a bit yesterday and I have to say, I didn't have any aniexty as I though I might still have. I have always had it and it has just been a fact of my life. I have been very emotional lately so I thought I would try it. I did it again last night when I had to make a decision which in the past made me feel uncomfortable and caused me to withdraw in order to deal with it. Well, last night I didn't have anxiety and fear of making a decision and was confident to follow through with it, even if this person keep asking me if I was ok with it. He knew that before when we discussed very deep things regarding the future, my past and how I cope with things, it cause me to withdraw in order to deal with it alone. I didn't talk to him for almost 48 hours until I got a hold of it. He was afraid I was going to do it again. I told him that I am doing ok, and I knew I need to do this no matter how hard it might be for me. It is an advance time to my growing process as well as healing.

Well, last night was meeting him, was not hard for me at all. Usually it would have been hard for me to look him in the eye because due to what we talked to in the last 24 hours and just recently. But I looked him in the eye, and actually enjoyed his company more then I would have in the past. I think I found confidence to face my fears because of doing that EFT tapping. I think it has surprized K, because he has seen how I react to certain things and yesterday evening was a bit different then what he has seen before, no matter how hard I pushed myself with regardless of my fear. It has always stuck me hard then he would tell me that he can see my fear in my eyes when I am dealing with something regarding my past and I am with him. I didn't like it that he could see my fear. I though I hid it so well.

well, the EFT has helped me. Just before I saw him last night, I was reading the manual and I was impressed with it. I did it a couple EFT tappings, and I felt calm, which is a bit odd for me knowing I am usually very anxious about facing someone that can see my fears and know my past as K does. But I was ok with it. And I think that puzzled him a bit too, because he knows I can't do that very easily after all the talking me have been doing.

Usually fasting helps calm my fears and helps me deal with them. Fasting is very much a healing process for me. The day before I learned about EFT and decided to try it, I had a rough night. I was talking to K. and I got so upset on the phone, I could talk. Most of my childhood I stuttered horribly and that I had to go to speech therapy all the time. And the only time I strutter is when I am extremely upset. And I was strutter so badly that night, that I couldn't talk and K. told me not to talk anymore. He understood how hard it was for me. Normally I would totally withdraw after something like that. But I didn't because I wanted to try and not give up and then Chiron mentioned EFT and I thought, "what the heck, what could the worse be if it doesn't work? I would just deal with it like I always have no matter how hard." I can see a difference if using it now. It is almost amazing.

K was concerned for me because we went to Denny's and I didn't eat anything. He ordered breakfast and tried to get me to eat at least his toast. It was hard to see the look of concern in his eyes. he asked me what I had to eat today. I said nothing. He then asked me when was the last time I ate. He knew I was trying to eat on Monday when I was with him, but eating made me feel ill and I though I was going to get sick because it felt so heavy no matter it was just hot dogs and mac and cheese that he made for dinner. Little 3 year old boys love that stuff to eat so that is why we had it. I had to stop eating because of what I felt. I told him that I haven't really had anything since Monday. I didn't feel the urge to eat and I wasn't going to push food in my body when my body was telling me to just relax and not do it. I haven't had an urge to eat since Monday when I felt sick. I wonder if I was coming down with something Monday and my body was telling me to refrain from eating so it could heal itself. Of course, K was not happy at all about it. And said that if he wasn't eating, I would urge him to eat. I said "no I wouldn't. You need to listen to your body and if your body tells you not to eat, it is for a reason. If I make you eat, then might just feel worse."

I know that K has fasted before for just 3 days because he is very skinny and has a very high metabolism so his body couldn't handle a long fast like I can, but I don't think he realizes that I am fasting. I don't know how I can share it with him, because it is something I need to do because my body urged me to do it as well as I think it was the right thing with regarding on what God wants me to do. To reset myself completely, physically, mentally and emotionally, so i can deal with all the stuff that is happening in my life. I just know he gets concern about things with me and if I stopped eating, then it would worry him.

I am feeling good other then I am bit nauseous because I believe my ketones are high. I haven't noticed much more then I weighed myself this morning for some reason. I guess just to see if it has changed at all. I knew it had. I lost about 4 lbs, but I know it is because of I have nothing in my digestive systems so I know I don't need to worry about that because it is normal. I think my fingers feel skinnier beause my rings are just a bit looser. My left sinus hasn't opened up yet, which I am sure it will get in the next couple days. My sense of smell is picking up. I noticed that at Denny's last night. I could smell toast burning and cooking onions. I could smell K's food, but it i didn't make me hungry. I went to the grocery to buy cat food, since I am not eating doesn't mean my poor kitties can't. LOL I could smell so much stuff! Oranges, bread, hot chocolate, spices. You name it it was kind of hitting me in the face. It was kind of nice. It was a feast for the nose. It kind of make me happy that I could smell so clearly.

The test will be this weekend with K. I might try to get me to eat tonight and tomorrow. I will remain steadfast. If for some reason, I have to break my fast, I will only have orange juice to make him happy. But it isn't about making him happy, it is about following and doing what my body tells me to do. And I will stick to it and draw his concerns away and reassure him that I know what I am doing. He has fasted and he would understand why I would have to do it, so I know he would understand to a point if I told him. I just don't know if I want to. It is very personal since the reason for the fast is to get clarification regarding him and my ex boyfriend and all the feelings I have now, and in the past. Of course, to acheive a sense of peace with who I am while my body resets itself.

My weekend might be busy so no one will probably hear from me. I have Friday and Saturday with K. and Sunday I have to work as well as meet with my local NaNoWriMo group to kick of the month of November, which will be at a resturant of all places. LOL. So I will have to keep you all posted on Monday.

Keep up your chin up, for all that are fasting. You can pull through. Each day gets easier and leads for a more healthy you. Just remember that. :o)