Hi HarmonicChange,

Your question is a good one - and one that, I'm quite certain, many of us might ask.

The words you used "softening" and "letting go" are exactly the process. You're off to a good start! As far as your second question, the short answer? Not unless you let it.

Forgiveness is one act, but done repeatedly, it can offer some transformation to our lives. Forgiving ourselves and our loved ones becomes a jumping-off point to spiritual growth.

The first thing I would encourage you to do is write down what is hurting you. In other words, take it out of you and put it (separate) on paper.

Are some of those things actually things you've done to other people? Be honest. And be gentle. And take the first step . . . in forgiving yourself.

Next, try to focus on one person at a time (and this is a process, not something that can be done in a day), close your eyes. Can you try sending light to this peson? Can you pray for them at night and ask God, Spirit, the Universe to help them find their path, to assist them in ending the behavior that's hurting others around them, including yourself.

At some point, you might want to practice detachment. See what it feels like to hold the image of your father, or a sibling in your mind, and see them as a person you may not even know, another human on his/her own path who has flaws, has made mistakes, is struggling. Who is also vulnerable, and possibly sad and angry.

Another means of separation can be to imagine long tendrils like pea shoots sent from the other person who has hurt you and attaching to your core. Can you take your hand and hold it over your belly, move it down along your belly and imagine gently cutting those tendrils, sending them back to the person, and sending them back with light and love, but therefore reclaiming your own space and boundaries.

You know how carrying around pain can inhibit your own joy. We actually have a choice to let go of this pain. To not have to hold on to it, cling to it. Because really, in many ways, it has now become our security, our identity, our story.

You can rewrite your story. Try using one person who has hurt you, disappointed you, humiliated you, or not given you what you needed, and write a letter to yourself from them. You might want to write a letter from your mother to yourself, write about how proud she is of you, even if she failed at letting you know that. Write about how beautiful she thinks you are, even if she may not have behaved that way all these years.

Forgiving the past allows us to be right in the present, where we need to be, and actually gives us the opportunity to be free - in the present - from pain.

We have that option.

I don't have any specific resources to provide here. (I usually like to add links, books, supplemental reading to my advice posts) but many of the spiritual writers out there now - Wayne Dyer, and Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra and so forth deal with this subject in their books. So I encourage you to start with them if you'd like to do further reading.

Another suggestion is to find someone in your area who teaches A Course in Miracles or who might mentor you in a Course in Miracles. (http://www.miraclestudies.net/)

Thank you for your question. Come back as often as you need. And I wish you perseverance and grace in your courageous journey to forgiving your past.

Bella