In some cases, and on some days, the only thing a person can do is 'think' the thought that the NDP person wise up.

I say that because I believe others feel what we are thinking...maybe from body language or from our auras, or somehow.


But, it is no use to think something nasty, because that's what drove the NPD into their attitude in the first place, in my opinion.

Someone 'broke' their innocence and trust in childhood...and the way they are is their only defence...or, it was, at one time in their life...and they haven't grown out of it.

I think the NDP's attitude is one of 'defense', or 'offence' before anyone hurts them.

I'm guessing that they are actually more sensitive than we know...and unable to trust, yet.


There is a dandy book to read...on human communications. It is "How to Make a Man Fall in Love With You," by Tracy Cabot.

Bookstores have a hard time keeping copies on the shelf...it just marches out the door. (It's in a bright pink cover.)

Never mind the title.


In there one finds many simple and powerful ways to communicate, to say what you want to say, without uttering a word! Or, by body language and meaning the other wants to hear/notice...or to display a sentiment as they are, so they can 'see' what they are doing.


An example...

...A man thoroughly disliked the movie 'ET', and went on and on about it, many times.

His girlfriend thought he was a little overboard on the subject...so, one day when he was doing it again, she banged her fist upon the coffee table and agreed with him.

"Yes! How dare they do that to innocent little children?! What a fraud! Confusing innocents that way!"

The boyfriend was surprised at his girlfriend's unusual outburst. He said, "Well...yes, but I don't think you need to go that far."

And that was the last of his own vehemence.


In another case, the girlfriend knew her fellow had been hurt by other women, right in his own apartment.

One day she stood behind the chair a visitor would sit in, and made the statement that SHE would never hurt him, then turned and walked in the direction of the front door. She may have then come near him in a loving way.

This was a graphic demonstration of what other women had done to him.

In a way, I guess that she was ushering the memories out of his life.


There are other ways described that are easier to do...those are just two I remember, and tried.



There is another book that is worth its weight in gold...

..."It Can Happen to You," by Roger J. Callahan.

It's about real romantic love, and how to handle it.

(It happened to me, before I read the book.)


One thing Callahan says is that real romantic love is the scariest thing that can happen to a person, because one becomes so vulnerable.

However, it is okay to allow yourself to become vulnerable, because, if you are the kind of person who CAN feel true romantic love...and you flub it...you will always feel it again one day...likely with someone else.

Our society doesn't tell us these things...unless we are lucky enough to see it somewhere.

I was collecting for the Salvation Army one day...and I called on a neighborhood home, where dad wasn't home yet. Supper was cooking and there was a little girl and a newborn. Momma kindly invited me in to get her cheque. You could have cut the air with a knife..it was so thick with love. Dinner cooking, baby powder, and deep, sexual love.

I recognized it instantly, and it would be years before I read Dr. Callahan's book.


When I did read it, and remembered the atmosphere of that home, I wondered what child...knowing of this reality...would settle for drugs, alcohol, or premature sex???

For it is maturity that can handle it...only maturity.

Then, romantic love can grow in strength, power, to the end of our days.


We need to teach this amazing capacity of human nature, for those who know it, can't understand those who can't...and vice versa.

It is as if we speak different languages.


In my opinion, those who promote pornography, and 'new' kinds of music, and other 'entertainments', have a lot to answer for.


Maybe this answers questions about NPD's...and those who fall for them.

At least, 'victims' can learn more about their possibilities.

Maturity is a wonderful thing.

There is always a way.

Fledgling

I am in a similar situation to yours feeling like my brother is brainwashed. I truly believe his wife to have NPD from all I have read and from having a former exhusband that was NPD. My parents supported me to be home with my children and raise them as stay at home mom and give them the extra love and guidance they needed to counter their fathers lack there of. Anyways in the midst of this my brother married his NPD, immediately this woman was disliked as she was very trampy, and went after him while he was married to someone else of which he had two children with. This trampy homewrecker was also had 2 children from 2 diff dads and later had a 3rd child with my brother. We did our best to welcome her and her children, I did daycare for them for several years, we spent alot of time together doing family activities. In these family activities I found this womans parenting skills to be very lacking, she was very cold and unloving to her children, she would never take care of their needs, the children always came to me or my brother for their needs. This woman loved to insult me and make fun of me and laugh at her "jokes" at my expense. I initially was angry at this behavior and her lack of help with the children, but came in time to accept this is who she is and disregarded her "jokes" as her opinion meant so little to me. I am lucky as my mother as been equally involved with the kids and mistreated by this woman, we were able to cope with her I think because we had each other. My mother and I would often talk after a visit with them about her outlandish behavior and comments and made fun of her, this helped too. Things have now escalted however as my mother finally became fed up with my sister in laws behavior and started to come to my and the childrens defense when she was out of line and my mother would point out that this woman needed to start to help and pitch in with everyone else, that she was not the queen and needed to do her share. Well obviously my brothers NPD wife did not agree with this and became very outraged. My brothers wife has had several blow out agruments with my mother since. On top of that my niece, her step daughter began to speak up for herself and had suffered the wrath of her stepmother for that with punishment obviously for speaking up rather than for actually doing something wrong, but twisted in a way to sound logical, but really not logical and the rules convieniently changed and did not apply to other children that were not questioning her. My brother does not see it that way and defends his wife, and when his wifes behaviors are completely out of line, they lie that she didn't do that or say that. Until I found out about my nieces troubles I remained a neutral party as I feared if I did not that I would be removed from the childrens lives as I had witnessed my mother removed shortly after she spoke up a few times. Unfortunately I could be quiet no more and I had asked to have sit down with my brother, his wife, and my mother about my concerns and to try to all get along and make some changes for the best interest of the children. Well his wife did not like my suggestions as she saw them as criticism and she went crazy on me and crazy on my mom and we had to throw her out to stop the maddness and afterward my mom and I concluded that we could not have any futher to do with her. It has been tramatic on my mother and I as in cutting her out we are denied the relationship we previously had with the children. I think the only way to cope is to keep talking about it with others in the same situation. I do not think my brother will ever leave this woman. He sat quietly while she attacked my mother and me for the most rediculous things and after we threw her out and told him we were done with him he nodded and initially told family that his wife was out of line, but now he has switched gears and is defending her saying her intentions were good. It feels hopeless, he has lost so many friends and family over her and is going to lose his daughter as she can't stand her stepmother. His only hope is his wife leaving him, and believe me the thought of hiring someone to lure her away is tempting.. :) kidding