I just woke up from a dream. the kind of dream which you have
and even if you wake up for a minute or two to *catch your breath*,
you roll over and your attention is right there in the dream again.

I cannot remember all the details as it seemed the dream spanned
a period of time. in the dream, I was, I am, a time traveler.
I was a time traveler on a mission. I was not alone in the grander
scope of the mission, but in this mission I was with someone
else, someone operating the time machine. when we first began
the mission, I protested. I felt claustrophobic and doubted I
could endure the ride. I joked that my primal scream could WAKE
the universe. inside I was talking myself down, breathe Zoe, breathe.
I felt like I was in a bubble in a stream of water. the person *driving*
although it felt more like flying, so he was actually a pilot, felt
connected to me by a sliver of light. I felt terrified by my own doubt
and yet when we left I was assured I had been picked for this mission
because I *could* do it. I remember I kept saying, what do I do, what
do I do?? they responded, you will know what to do....

we made a few stops along the way to where we were going.
I wondered how and why of these stops. one was particularly
healing and I fell in love with the planet, our Earth, overcome
by the beauty of its being-ness, the sights, the sounds, the
pristine, glistening beauty of a time when all was readied for
humans to begin their lives here. time ahead, like a stone skipping
on a pond, and with each skip, a stop and my observations changed
me, in one way or another.

the second to last stop was the most poignant and memorable
for me. I found myself in a parallel reality to one where I had
lived, although, it was decades later. I saw a woman, old and
white-haired, who I recognized. she and her husband had owned
a little market up the alley from where I had lived. her husband
and I had shared a garden. he sold the vegetables in his market
and that had made me feel good as I felt the vegetables that we
had grown were special because we cared and delighted in
the garden. the windows of the market had been boarded and
painted white and inside it had been turned into a little cafe. I
told the pilot, we will stop here for a little while. things inside
were a little off, foods were not ones we would have eaten,
clothes, things were different. we did not engage in much talk
or even eat, although I ordered a sandwich to go. what did happen
was that I saw a newspaper. the headlines described a horrific
sight, one of nuclear destruction and devastation. no one in
the cafe even spoke of it. I did not read the paper but the
headlines affected me greatly and in my heart, which felt
like it had sunk, I felt oh no, we have to stop this from happening,
we need to *get there in time*. I lingered about ten more minutes
soaking in the feeling of love I had for the old woman. all the
other people I had known from that time were gone she said.
she only remembered me as the girl from down the alley
anyway, but in my heart, it was like flaming a small flame of
love I had for her and it brightened my spirit just to see her
again.

we left and again I felt like the air in my lungs was sucked
from me as whatever it was we were traveling in raised the
fear in me that my body was being compressed into an atom
and I was being ground into non-existence...

the next thing I knew, I was in a large airport. I do not know
where but the crowds were shoulder to shoulder and I was
pushing my way through, trying to find the pilot and wondering,
okay, what am I doing here, what am I looking for, how am I
supposed to help. in the hub-bub of my thoughts and there
was much *white noise* in my mind as I just was going through
the movements of being and moving and not really thinking as
I really had no destination I knew of. I kept moving. ahead of
me, I noticed someone heavy with baggage. the man was
angry and frustrated and stood out to me because he was
feeling at the end of his rope and I could almost visualize
him letting go. then, he stumbled, the baggage and the weight
of his thoughts finally creating enough tension he could no
longer sustain holding on and up. Quickly, instinctively,
I reached out and broke his fall. our eyes met and in my
eyes he must have seen something. I wondered later if
he had been looking for it, I do not know but I did know
when he saw it, it instantaneously healed a part in him that
was causing him the greatest pain. it was also one of those
moments where it was actually only perhaps a ten second
interaction and yet time froze and in the ensuing slow motion
sequence, it seemed a lifetime passed and we gazed into
each others eyes and we never even spoke. he regained
his composure and moved on and away and I was left there
standing. the next thing I knew, I was back to where it had
all began. what happened I said?? why am I here, how did
I get here? my superior smiled at me. you completed your
mission Zoe, you were successful. huh? what did I do, I asked?
You stopped a war by being compassionate. your act of
being loving to the man who was carrying the bomb made
a difference in his life. he changed his mind and was healed.
what you saw on the headlines of the paper we had hoped
you would find, did not happen. it was love Zoe. it is love.
love is the answer so many are looking for. you renewed
that person's hope. he felt love when he looked into your
eyes, and he did not want to destroy it. you did good....

I woke up, and laid there, feeling a feeling in my body
which gave me hope. the feeling that love was precious and
that any compassion I could nurture within myself and others
for our humanity could be the energy by which we could save
ourselves. with each breath, I would try to imagine exhaling
the love from inside I felt for my life and those around me.

I love you all...

blessings,
Zoe

-_-