Unfortunately, you give very little details. It seems, if I am correct, that you have been sexually abused as a child and that you are self-harming yourself. Also you seem to be addicted to masturbation. The latter addiction, although not particularly harmful, may indicate that you feel socially isolated and that you may have problems establishing significant emotional relationships with other people. These are problems occurring in the here-and-now.

Perhaps it all boils down to a negative self-image or low self-esteem. As a nutritional psychologist I tend to look at mood disorders as operating in the here-and-now. Although emotional disorder may seem to date back to childhood, the question is why should they affect you now? There could be a metabolic disorder that is affecting you emotionally and which could also affect your self-image.

Thus I suggest you read:

Depression is a Nutritional Disorder at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/depression_disorder.html


Treatment of a Low Self-Esteem at:

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/psychotherapy/self_esteem.html


After you have eliminated the biological aspects, perhaps you could benefit from

Self-help PSYCHOTHERAPY course at;

http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/i-psychotherapy.html


by reading this from beginning to the end.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.

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Author of "Getting off the Hook"
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When I think of my father and him possibly doing things I get a feeling of wanting to excessively masterbate, nothing along the lines of mutilation though. I'm in the process of remembering and all I have at the moment is body memories. I remember when i was little excessively masterbating like I was trying to get rid of the feeling. maybe thats where your at, the need to get rid of the feeling down there. Hope this helps.