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I have come so far in this journey...
Where I am going today?
Date: 10/3/2007 1:02:49 PM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2706 times and yet I still have a long way to go. I cannot seem to push myself, or for that matter, lovingly coax myself to move forward.
I am involved in 2 classes right now that help me, when I am in them. Yet, when I leave them, I seem stuck and do not do the practices. I know in doing so, they would help. I would presume it is fear that is holding me back. Yet, I am tired of being ruled by fear and also, by others thoughts and opinions. I must admit though, the thoughts and opinions of myself hold me back much more than any other being.
Today, I am in a place that is holding me in fear. I do not know why it is there, or what even brought it on. I just know it is there. I have contemplated using a breath tape and even that is too much for me to do, in this moment.
I have things to do around the house that are not getting done and things to do in my Being that are not getting done.
I long to understand why I have come so far and now feel as if I am stagnating. I guess that really is not true though. I am the hardest Judge of myself. I was reminded of all that I have done even recently...eliminating meat from my diet and eliminating much of the sugar I was consuming. It just seems as if I could be doing more. I am still tired often. I tell myself that is because I am releasing the toxins I have ingested over my lifetime. I do not know that I believe that though.
I am writing to see if I can't make sense out of the thoughts that seem to be in my path. I am writing to move myself forward in my journey, to see my life unfold in the manner I desire. Journaling in ink, in this moment, is not happening, so maybe this is the better way for me, in this time.
I am also working to stop 'beating myself' up. This may be the way, although somedays, I may do so in this blog.
Love, Light and Peace,
Beth
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