Day 4 of Increasing Lengths of Fasts and of progressing to Green, Living Food Only.

Date:   8/8/2008 4:23:38 PM ( 16 y ago)

Why did I fail this time? For the first time it was really clear.
I generally in life fail to "provide for myself" spiritually.
Last night (Thurs.) was when I lost my fast. I had started weds. a.m. early.

I don't even want to be blogging right now.
There is no way I can use this blog effectively.
There is no way I can make this blog meet my needs right now.
I want to meet my needs or something now and am terrified of my responsibilities or of doing work (just writing this makes me have a food craving. I want to incapacitate myself and escape into numbness)

I don't want to face my life.
What don't I want to face?
I SO WISH I COULD POST MY INVENTORY OUT ON THE CUREZONE FORUM AND GET IT OUT THERE AND BE HEARD AND THUS LEARN TO FAST... LEARN TO KNOW MYSELF

Last night was terrifying. I was engulfed in grimness and bleakness and could not go on. But going to get food only increased the bleakness and grimness.

How am I to be released from this???

I really need a forum in which to work this out!!!!


Strategies to succeed in fasting, then, are:

(Mindset:Really make fasting a VALID, not an illicit, activity)
PROVIDE A LIFE for myself -- connection and engagement -- and happiness. So that the grimness does not overwhelm me.
Learn Gradually: short fasts getting gradually longer
Accustom SElf/habituate self to longer and longer fasts.
Use the power of habit, habituation.


Note Progress: I have cleaned up my diet a bit more. Gave up ALL fruit exc. tomatoes and gave up another variety of starchy sprouts (cickpeas/anny other unsprouted legumes... I think I ought to get out of chickpeas altogether)
Note to self: USE QUINOA ... probably the lease appealing food ever.


Immediate Steps:

Get a Forum to Inventory Self on! and be heard


 

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