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empty cradle
decembers go
Date: 12/13/2006 6:08:17 PM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1222 times To say the loss of an almost human being has not effected my life would be a lie.
I never talked to Gail again since that dismal day, Just days before I had lost my sister to a senseless murder in the South Bronx. She was shot in the head while leaving a Christmas party. It was a long night alone in my Brooklyn Apartment where I lie alone in my bed as Gail was waiting for results in a NYC Hospital. I fell asleep in tears, praying that the woman I loved would be okay.
I remember being awakened in the middle of the night with extreme pain in the head and neck.
The pain left just as quick as it arrived. I jumped out of bed and I was sweating. I did not know why I had this empty feeling in my gut. I called the hospital and they said Gail was sleeping comfortably. I dialed my sisters telephone number to call her. I hung up before the phone rang. I drifted back to sleep. I was awakened by an early morning phone call. It was my mom. She said in a tearful voice. Donald, Frannies gone, My baby is dead. Please come over.
I rushed to the Bronx in a rental car and while in the Bronx I think is when I got the news to head to the Hospital. Gail was in extreme pain and the doctors had found out Gail had a tubal pregnancy and would have to go into surgery. She was in serious condition and it was touch and go but she made it though. I do not know if we ever talked toe each other again after that day. Gail went to recuperate with her family. I had to attend a funeral. I Had just moved back to NYC and had gotten a job at WMCA in NYC. I was an overnight producer. I had completed graduate school a few months earlier and left San Diego for NYC.
I met Gail, An Artist and was drawn in by her wonderful personality and her quick wit. She was the most considerate woman I had ever met outside of my own family. With a heart of gold and talent unsurpassed as an artist and whatever she set her mind to.
I never came close to having a child after that day in 1983. I had previously lost a child to Feminism and an abortion. Why would God have taken away my child? The bigger question is why would god take away Gail's child. She was older than me. In her mid 30's and really wanted to have this child.
I remember when we found out she was pregnant and with a big smile said"hey, You knocked me up. We lived together in a beautiful Brooklyn home. we had lots of money. We both had good jobs and my future was taking off.
I know that I have never been the same person since that day. I had escaped my youth in the Bronx and all the violence and horrors that poisoned a child growing up in a dysfunctional neighborhood. Gail and I never talked again. I rented a car and drove it across country to California and drifted and grew farther apart from my family and my heart.
It has been 23 years and the pain is still there. I do not know what happened to Gail. I never saw her again and I lost my mom a few years ago. She passed while I was 1500 miles away , secluded, working at the 2002 Olympics.
Funny, But we always wonder what might have been and why it wasn't. I remember A Christian telling me that this child's death would not have happened if were were better Christians. Gail was Jewish and I come from Jewish/Italian Descent. But, grew up in the cold, not always friendly confines of Mount Carmel Church in the Bronx.
I hope that she is angel and God has not forsaken the souls of the unborn. I hope her mom went on to achieve her dreams and maybe adopt a child. That Winter in NYC a part of my heart was chilled forever
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