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The Lunatic Café
This is a personal journal. It is open to the public, if you desire to read it. A comedy, a trajedy, a chemical romance.
Date: 8/3/2005 12:10:51 PM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2562 times Day 3 of MH's Parasite Cleanse.
I suppose, day three of cleanses altogether. Day three on my journey to health.. Another day to be locked in this room for the ill. Some refer to me as inanimate. I prefer slightly deranged - at least there's some life to it.
Still others I'm sure have the impression that I am the restless healer. Prod me with a stick long enough and I'll show you that my Chinese year is the Tiger and my Zodiac is the Scorpio.
I'm not so impertinent. My voice has an edge to it, if you will, due to my longing for freedom. Freedom from my ailment. Too much stress will make you ill... I don't care what people argue. I used to have an imperious attutide over sorrow, anxiety and feelings of worthlessness because it's what I constantly experience. I don't know about other cities, but spend enough time at a highschool in San Diego and you learn to sweep up any emotions that are looked down upon by your peers and your personality may become reasonably acceptable. Sure, it's artificial and impalpable, but at least your 'friends' will invite you to parties to get drunk and meddle in mischeif.
The only problem with this game of masquerade is that once highschool is done, you're dropped out into the world and suddenly your life feels it has no depth.. either that, or it contains a superfluous amount that people don't know what to do with. The vast influx of experience extenuates the Spirit, and causes the poor soul to feel lost.
I'm currently dealing with such. I have this constant doubt in myself, always wondering the intentions of others and how they feel toward me. Always in the negative. My illness has caused my once expansive social life to dissolve, and now I hurry for the answers that will expedite a hopeful recovery.
It's been a little over 8 months since I first became sick. The dis-ease has rapidly progressed, and though I feel contempt toward my body [a sort of blaming it, if you will], I am empathetic and actually quite thankful. All of this research has taught me something... really opened my eyes.
Today I need to change my eating habits. Where's my grass?
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