This is my testimony.
Just letting people better understand how I felt going through all this emotion. It was a lot to dump on a 20 year old kid, I know, and this is how I've dealt with it.
Date: 6/19/2005 8:56:17 AM ( 17 y ) ... viewed 2262 times
Meduloblastoma is a rare brain tumor. One that 75% of the time happens before the person is three years old, and 99% of the time before they are ten.
Okay, so I’m also 1% of that one in a thousand one in a million. Mathematically, that makes me one in 1 billion (100,000,000). That, I think, gives me every right in the world to not only wonder, but demand to know why me? why me GOD? What did I do wrong to deserve this?
To be honest, right after diagnosis, I did. Before surgery, Shannon Lewis, Joey Kennedy, Samantha, Brad, Becky, my mother, biological father, and grandmother were at the hospital with me. I remember the night before a few of us meeting in my hospital room and praying for the surgery. That did a good job of calming some of my fears, but in the next few hours I would undergo what could very well be the most traumatic event in my life. I COULD EVEN DIE. A couple days after the surgery is my first memory. With me was Joey, my mother, and step-father; that’s when I found out my diagnosis. I just wanted to scream at all of them. That was my weakest moment…ever. I didn’t want to hear that crap about God being able to heal all of us.
I know that I’d made it through the first part of everything, but I knew there was a whole lot more to come. I didn’t know then what chemotherapy or radiation were exactly. I’d never had to go through that or even do a report on them in school; I had no reason to know what that was. To be honest, I was scared…no terrified. I wasn’t in control, this little tumor in my brain was. I couldn’t even see what was controlling me.
I came home after about a week recovering, trying to eat, simple stuff that all of a sudden was so very difficult. Even sitting up in the bed was hard to do. At home for about a month learning to do things just a little bit differently, even now bending over to pick something up is strenuous. After that month, and coming to realize that this wasn’t a punishment from God for anything I had done, but something related to his plan. Whether it was testing my loyalty, sending me a wake-up call, or just him finding a way to bring me closer to him; I was beginning to realize that he wasn’t doing this but allowing this to happen to me. That’s when I started Radiation at the James Cancer Center at Ohio State University Hospital. A total of thirty treatments; twenty spinal and head treatments and ten boost treatments of my head alone. People from this church really went out of their way to help me. Several people took a day to drive me to Columbus, even more came to visit and some bringing food (I kind of miss that), but what everyone at GCC did as well as around the world (I got calls from churches I didn’t even know existed and from countries and cities I didn’t know were there) is they dropped to their knees.
I would go to the James for my Radiation treatments and see people around me getting sick. Now, I don’t know for sure what caused them to get sick, but I didn’t. Through my blood platelets dropping and even my total blood count, times I should have felt horrible, I felt fine. I’d get a transfusion, and go on. It was then that I realized that it wasn’t anything I was doing, but God’s healing power keeping me healthy. I recall one time in January that I was sick. It was a Saturday and I couldn’t move from my bed. It hurt to roll over. Mom and I went to the Children’s Hospital in Columbus, and before I got there I was already feeling better, now just a little tired. But fully aware they would at least demand that I spend the night – and they did. I spent two nights in the hospital that time.
You see – it has been prayer that has kept me going. Not too long ago, I got some great news; I had an MRI at Children’s and it showed that the satellite tumors weren’t even noticeable and the main tumor (the one on my Brain Stem) had shrunk tremendously. I want to thank everyone in this room and across the world that has kept me in their thoughts and prayers; and at the same time beg that I stay there.
I need your prayers because very soon I start Chemotherapy. All of my doctor’s agree…if anything make me weary, sleepy, sick, weak, etc. it is going to be this. I’m not fretting this or even worrying over this…I’m scared out of my mind. And now I know for sure that all that crap about God being able to heal all of us…it’s true. I’m sorry for doubting God…even for a moment. And am even surer that God answers prayers.
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