Cutting Mind trap

How do you stop something you feel you have always done? How do you begin to fix something that you feel keeps everything on track? Is it even possible when you let it go beyond your control?

Date:   6/1/2005 1:55:01 PM   ( 19 y ) ... viewed 2047 times

How do you stop something you feel you have always done? How do you begin to fix something that you feel keeps everything on track? Is it even possible when you let it go beyond your control? I have been cutting for 2 years now. I have gone through the ups and downs from I want to stop to I dont want to ever stop. I finally gave up on recovering because its not what I want. I cant stop cutting. It is the one thing I can always rely on. The one thing that no matter what will always make me feel better. There is just something about it that gives you that instant relief of pain and replaces it with contentment. There is just something that makes it so beautiful and so sickening at the same time. I of course have two sides to my mind: The one that thinks its beautiful and a wonderful thing and the one that thinks its horrible and can only cause more pain. There is no winning though, No matter who I side with. Its all a mind trap. I started out controlling my cutting and now it controls me. This is something most people dont understand or really want to hear about. Everyone says its a phase and its no big deal. I have all these pent up emotions and noone to talk to. I needed this blog to vent..to feel safe. If that makes any sense at all. In a way my cutting scares me and in another I cant wait to do it again.

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