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+++Body Shock+++
morning inspirations..
Date: 3/11/2006 11:00:54 AM ( 18 y ) ... viewed 1535 times 8:22 AM
March 11, 06
I completed my second day of Ayurvedic Medicines
late last night. I am suppose to take them after dinner,
but I was doing a lot of Creative work, and then
Workaholic Work late at night to avoid feelings
that--if you have not noticed--get stuck in the body.
Unless we have "gardening tools" that free our Soul
to be everywhere in the body, the Soul remains
stuck at the bottom of the Cracks in our lives.
Love transforms our life because it brings up
everything that is buried. There is no way to be
intimate with another person, and not get shaken.
That is the definition from a Soul perspective
of a good relationship.
We are here on earth to grow the Enchanted Garden.
The Enchanted Garden is a name for our new earth
that grows through Organic Celebration.
Mother Earth invites us, she says, "Plant Your Dream!"
She has given us every conceivable prop
in the form of seeds that are intended to help us
engineer and bring to life our deepest Seed Dreams.
The soul grows on earth as we exercise our capacity
to grow Seed Dreams. We decide on our own purpose,
more than likely before we are born. We choose our
parents. We choose our Lovers. Generally our Lovers
are mirrors. They are gifts who are so like ourselves
that they inspire what is dark and hidden to surface.
Our ailments--these things we are here in the CureZone
to understand---are another kind of Lover. What Western
Medicine calls diseases, nature wisdom knows as
dis Eases, that can be brought into balance as we
do Soulful activity.
I have been stressing for a long time over my word
and will. Can I count on myself to do what I say?
Am I doing something good for myself in holding on
to Love, or loving another dear one, when she wants
to be free to love in another way, or with other people?
Am I being my best friend when I turn someone else
into a drug to take the place of the inevitable journey
we each must take deep, deep into ourselves?
In taken this journey, we seek guidance, both inner
and outward. We do not have to go it alone, although
we are alone on the journey.
The body contains scrolls. These are memories.
The memories come up when we love. This is why
most of us are a bit commitment-phobic, or intimacy
shy. That is why some of us perhaps even dread
the word "relationship." We are in deep shock.
There are things we have experienced in this life--
rageful parents, parents we could not count on,
people we could not count on--and all this is stuck
inside, hurting our immune systems.
I want to remember now what it is like to be able
to count on myself to say and do what I say. A wise
person can change their mind when they see another
way, but for now, the lesson for me is
looking at the scrolls and memories that stand between
me and being a living soul embodied on earth.
I have done this before. It is my nature to constantly
'find and lose myself and then do it again.
It is the nature of being a writer, a poet,
and your enchanted gardener.
I gave up a long time ago on my body. It doesn't
move the way most bodies move. I have my unique
gait. Many of my bones are stuck together.
That is where I stuffed all the feelings.
I can't move my neck from side to side. My hips have been
surgeoned twice. They are held together with screws
and titanium. It is a gift of modern medicine--good
ol' fashioned Western Medicine, that I am sitting at
all right now without pain.
I so believe in natural healing that I was once completely
stuck in this body and unable to move or spread my legs
apart widely than 1/4 inch. I believed so much in natural
ways--natural ways that I learned from my spiritual father
Bernard Jensen--that I waited and waited, walked away
from hip surgeries in 73-75, until I was so stuck that
all I could do was lie prone for more than nine months.
Some good folks in Utah rescued me from a trailer
at a place called Stinky Springs and help me find my
way to medical help.
I still believe in natural healing. I know that the
soul and the earth are soilmates. I am still committed
that through my "Getting Hip," I will help this world
"Get Hip" to evolving a healing model that is good for
people and good for the earth.
So where am I now?
During the last year, I had my greatest acceptance
in the world in the Conference Venue. It is here where
I shine most. During the last five years,
I have watched my deepest unseen
fears and terrors come up through the Gift of allowing
myself to abandon myself to love.
There is always a price for loving.
As the Goddess Prayer, Love Cure #6 says,
"You must learn to dance. You will have to move
this way, and then that way, and then this way,
and then that way, until there is no place to go
but into the center of your being."
There is only Now. Who can remember the
pain we have gone through? It would be too much,
but the body remembers. We have to re mem ber
the body, as well, and that is why we are all reading
this Blog right now.
We are re mem ber ing, toe to foot, head to heart,
body to body, soul to soul.
When Jensen was in his late 80's and dealing
with cancer, a doctor told him he was too old
for Chemo or Surgery and that he only had six months
to live. Luckily, he was hard of hearing. Another
told him, "You would have to be a lucky boy
to ever walk again." He put a sign up above his
bed that said, "I am a lucky boy!" He walked again.
Go see the picture here as he waved to me
around the age of 89 or 90.
I am a lucky boy too.
I have recieved more love in this life than most
men. I have never had the gift of being married.
I can't say I have ever had a set of dishes thrown
at me, but I certainly have created a lot of high dramas
with women. Some I know call this emotional fallout.
I guess I am a serial monagomist by nature,
althought from time to time I have tried other formulas
and imagined they could work. Sometimes I thought
they were working. Every man has those fantasies,
and I have to say, I have fulfilled most of mine.
At my 50th birthday, during an international conference,
numbers of my former Sweethearts
all came to my party that included a poetry reading
We read The Seven Love Cures. One of my former Beloveds
played the harp, as I pointed out which women had
inspired which poems. I invited them all because
I figured if I liked them all, they would certaining be
similar enough to all be friends. I am still friends
with most of my former sweethearts.
I believe in some deep place that there is only
One Woman. If you treat Her with Love, she will put
a good Word out to the other of her Clan. Hopefully,
you will never be without Love.
My task now is to remember how to love myself,
and hopefully there will still be some intimate loving
encounters along the way.
So what does any of this have
to do with Body Shock?
This morning, I was composing some thoughts
to my twin Soul, Soul Mate, Lover, former Lover, Lover,
former Lover, Lover, Former Lover, never again Lover
Best Friend, Lover, never again lover.
It is so very hard to tell her, I am taking space now.
Love Cure #2, "Because She is a Woman" reads,
"A man is a gentle man when he knows what it means
for a woman to take space."
I know she knows that " A woman is a gentle woman
when she knows what it means for a man to take space."
She wants to know if we are still friends.
Good God, she is a part of me.
I let her so totally in that I can't tell sometimes
where I end and she begins.
Who can live healthfully with those kind of boundaries?
What kind of woman can stand that kind of pressure
to be the drug you take because you are not
planting your own dreams?
Sure I plant them, but my life is a mess.
My room is stuffed.
My house is cluttered not only with my things,
but things that belong to others.
The basement is so full that it is going to take
a herculean stable cleansing to get all the
old memories out of me and it.
But this is the task, and maybe the task
for you too. What is stuck in your body?
What kind of tools are you discovering
to get your soul in the driver seat again
of your life?
For my good, for the good of the world,
I need to take more forays into this body.
I need to discover my own medicines that
are everywhere around me in the sound
of a single bird in the canyon now and
trees her at the Enchanted Garden Intentional
Commuity that bear fruit. There needs to be
more gardening here. More garden visitors.
I need to have more active allies
to make this place live and for me to live as well
with my creative works circulating in the world.
I can't keep doing things the way I have been doing
them.
I need to face my fears.
I need to get through the body shock
that woke me up this morning.
My body is speaking.
How about yours?
What are those physical pains telling you?
What is at the bottom of those emotional pains
that end up getting all your parts stuck together
unless you move the energy.
Good god. I am focusing on these Seven Love Cures.
They are so so beautiful! I am going to keep with this,
and keep with the house issues, and keep loving me
as best I can, and keep loving,
and yes, I will always be your friend,
just need space now.
your eg
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