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Taking Back My Power
I am taking back my power..
here are my morning thoughts.
Date: 7/6/2005 8:38:08 AM ( 19 y ) ... viewed 985 times Yesterday was an amazing day.
I woke up early and did some relationship
writing, around 5:30 PM.
I had a very disturbing night.
I came home after a July 4th party around 1 am.
I came home and read an email that plugged me
in. It was the beginning of a process to clarify my
closest relationship. This is bringing up a lot of stuff.
The Show must go on.
I left for the HIlton.
Near the hotel, I made a wrong turn.
I felt anxious. Where was the damn place????
I could see it all now: A missed appointment.
Then, my intuition kicked in and I got there before time.
Rayna, the PR lady, was the sweetest woman you would want
to meet. Very great energy. I had some flowers in the EG Mobile.
They were Lizianthus...not a flower too many people know by name.
She knew them by name.
She had been Vegan raised. Now she described herself
as a "social meateater."
I showed her my slides. Jennifer, the woman who is helping
with tall the logistics of our event also came by. Another
very nice energy.
They both enjoyed the slides and had great ideas.
They agreed that if I got caught in a bind, the slides
could be shown on a "plasma" screen in a loop.
I got my energy back in their good energy.
Then I wanted to take Rayna's photo but I could not
find my camera!!!! I looked arround. Not this again!
There is was on the floor at my feet.
During the meeting,
I started to feel my strenght again, but I was still feeling inner
stress from tiredness and what I was doing with
my experience of "The Relationship."
Jennifer said they had easils for my photos if we got that far.
I could really see the main San Diego newspaper picking up the story
and printing some of my photos.
Then, Herman showed up....the incredible chef who is going to
prepare the Organic Celebration at the HIlton lunches.
He looked really good. This is the second time I have met him.
He was feeling very soft.
He said he just got back from three weeks in Austria where he visited
his family.
He is totally into the being challenged by the out of the box foods
I want to bring in from the local organic farmers.
We were both generating tons of excitement over the event.
Herman shared that all the time he was in Austria, he had been drinking
freshly made organic juices prepared by his brother.
Then he said that Austria is the only country in Europe where
they are Certified Organic. Check.
Then he said that GMO foods were banned there. Check.
Then as we talked about the Conference, and healthy buildings,
he was right on top of what I was saying. Check.
I started to generate from my Creative Spirit.
I EXPRESSED my SEED DREAM that this event INSPIRE
the Hilton to create their next building project based on
Healthy Building principles.
Herman said he knew what I was talking about.
He said that in Austria they take into account the ley lines
before they build, the energy below the building...is it
in harmony with the earth? Check.
Herman was the MAN!!!
I was suprised to hear that a condition I would want at the Hilton
'was already here: Many of the rooms have plenty of ventilation.
They have tons of window where you can get fresh air, and not
have to depend on Sick building air circulation!!! Check.
Then, Herman and I got totally excited in the presence of Jennifer
as we discussed various foods that Herman would have on his
plalatte of ingredients.
I had a chance to say that I was going to bring in wine from
the Frey Family...this is the family that helped make Mendocino
County GMO free!!! Jennifer, the logistics person, said, yes
for the Wine party on Thursday night. She was right on top of things!!!
Check! YES! YES! YES! I was starting to get exciting.
I am dangerous when I start believing in myself.
I can do anything with a little support and receiving
of the good energy I desire to give.
Then, I told Herman about the melons he would have
that are growing now by my friend farmer Dennis...
red, and yellow, lush and organic.
Then, Herman asked if I could get heirloom tomatoes....
Check!!!!!!! Of course, Dennis is growing them!!!!
Tnen I showed Herman photos of the tomatoes that were
right set up in front of us.
Then, then, I showed him the list of all the kinds of lettuce
he was going to get from Joe the Farmer.
Then, then, we made a plan to go to the FM together
in two weeks on a Sunday to meet the Farmers!!!
I expressed that I wanted him to not have to hold back.
I told him about my VISION to create a web site of his
receipes, like they have of the receipes in the film "Chocolat"
I could see that I needed some SPONSORS.
I wanted some $$$$$$ to support this work.
I knew with the PR release in hand from the HIlton
and the kind of support I SAW here,
I could get the backers I needed.
if I had my Self-Esteem and Power in check.
(I see this as a PHOTO OP for the PRESS.
I can see the headlines already!!!)
Check!!!
Then, We spoke of the foods that Tierra Miguel would be bringing in.
This biodynamic farm already delivers to the HIlton La Jolla.
Then, I gave them all The Light Connection newspaper with the story
of the Organic Celebration!! it has a photo of me and Hermann.
Now we were flowing with great energy.
I took some photos. Then, we went to the kitchen and took some more
Then, I expressed my SEED DREAM that I wanted the purpose of
this Organic Celebration to be the kickout for an ongoing relationship
between my local farmer friends and the Hilton.
Hermann responded by telliing me he had already been working on this!!!!!!!!!
Corporate had already approved that he be able to purchase
fresh food from the local farmers!!!!!!!!!!!
BINGO! BINGO!!! BINGO!!!!
My SEED DREAM that I imagined some coming into Creation in the
Physical world!!!
Then, Hermann and I had some dessert.
I had already seen in my Mind's Eye and had told Rob Farmer
of TIerra Miguel CSA that I would wanted to bring Biodynamic compost
to Hermann's garden at the Hilton.
Rob had given me some of this when I went out to Tierra Miguel!!!
Hermann was very excited to have this.
We went to the EG Mobile. Then we walked back to the his garden
that had various herb plants.
I told him we could get more plants from my friend Robinson
at the FM when we go...
I took photos of Hermann spreading the Biodynamic compost
on his garden there...As I did this...I was anchoring the Enchanted
Garden here.
IT was a Holy Moment. I asked if he had a garden at home.
He said he was just starting one.
On the way out in the kitchen, I saw a youth.
I imagined this was his son.. it was.
I told there picture and was now in full EG Mode.
I promised his son I would bring him some enchanted
seeds so that his dreams would come true.
Hermann like that.
Hermann also expressed the idea as we were walking
that he would like his brothers organic juices to be sold
in America.
I Voiced and planted a SEED DREAM that his brother's juices
would be sold eventually in America in my head.
I told him I IMAGINED i had allies that could help
from among my Heart and Soul contacts.
I was watching my clock by this time.
I had to get to an appointment for acupuncture.
I got there on time, a bit dragging and hungry,
with flowers in hand.
I was tired, but I was on a roll.
I saw that Jennifer, the head of the Pacific SYmposium
was standing at the door of Jack Miller, the College President.
I was still in my channeling mode...the kind of Get in
when I am in Conference Creation Mode.
Spirit was with me.
I went to the door and asked if Jack was available
for a brief meeting. I called in Jennifer.
I reminded Jack that Feng Shui was a part of TCM
(Traditional Chinese Medicine). I knew Jennifer
had asked to have a vendor booth, but the pricy $1200 tag
'was too expensive.
I was in my head verbalizing and having a reality check.
I proposed to Jack that he cover the expenses of
framing that Al, on his staff, had said he would do for me.
In exchange I would have PCOM (Pacific College) as a sponsor.
Then I said to Jack that I was going to have a BIG space
at the Feng Shui Conference.
He said something so very sweet. It was Medicine to me.
He said something like, "Of course you are going to
have a big space! You always have things like that, or
do things like that!"""
I felt so good hearing those words. I reached over
and kissed his hand.
I was feeling rejection and I needed those words.
We made some logistically plans. Jennifer would
bring in PCOM Materials to my Feng Shui Altar.
Jack would cover my photo framing expenses.
Then I went into my treatment and splated out
my Truth.
I told Deborah, I was not going to going on living this way.
I am not going to be a Sacrificial Lamb.
One Man already acted out that scene.
And I am not going to continue giving to Humanity
all the Love I have to give, if Life is not going to give me
as well some human confort and companionship
in this physical world.
Forget it.
I would rather be dead.
The treatment was very good,
She did some good work on me.
I told her I felt I had this very limited range of
function, but could not bring the energy into my body.
Then, I left and went to Whole Foods.
I tried the Cookie trip, but realized I wasn't really into
that. I was beyond that suicide trip of eating
junk.
What I needed was my power.
What I needed was my self confidence.
What I needed was the abiltiy to earn some money now
and speak to sponsors.
I wanted to do self care and nurturing.
I was going to give my self the juice that comes
when I put on my gameface and love myself
through slowing down enough to clear my space
and make love to myself through working on the clutter
in my room.
eg
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