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New beginning, but how?
Telling the story one more time of my last experience seeking a new housemate.
Date: 5/6/2014 8:36:41 AM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 860 times
LEAVE BY 8 AM FOR DENTIST
I'm going to see a new dentist this morning. I had some kind of inflammation in a front tooth for 8 or more weeks. Would also like to get my teeth cleaned and I'm concerned that I'll have to take a drug before they clean it.
KIDNEYS ARE STILL SENSITIVE
I reached a point Friday last. This ongoing housemate search is having clear effects on my kidneys. A man called and was interested in seeing the vacant room just as I was preparing to leave Friday.. His name came up in my iPhone. That meant that we had met before. He said he was separating from the 15-year-old relationship. He wanted to rent till October, when he said he would be creating a living situation with his father. I was willing to go for that to at least get the room rented for now and end this long housemate search. II was about to leave for Los Angeles. I was in a space of wanting to get away. I said can you come over now. He came right over, driving from Oceanside about 30 minutes at least. He liked the room very much. He met my most grounded housemates. He also met another housemate whose judgment I trust. He gave me the first month and last months rent. I breathed easy for a moment. I did it. I had a check in hand. I've been looking for a new housemate for that room since March. Each candidate was in a big transition. I guess that comes with looking for a new place to live. Many were in crisis, except for one, who moved in and then moved out unexpectedly when an opening came to move in with a loved one.
I do not handle the housemate search well. The process brings up tremendous core issues inside me. How did it go with the latest candidate? He called 10 minutes later saying he felt rushed. He asked me not to cash the check and give him a couple hours to think about it . I felt immediate shock in my kidneys.
It seems like he could fit in. He had great talents. I suggested that he do a trial in the room. He suggested to try a week. He never followed through. He never ended up moving in. The next few days was an ordeal waiting. Tremendous trust issues started to come up with me. I'm still preoccupied obviously with the episode. Even though I've told the story number of times friends.
Ii've gotten all kinds of coaching on the incident. Repeating the story hasn't helped my relationship with one of my closest friends. My friends have been hearing about my stress and difficulty renting rooms here for many years. They don't want to hear the story anymore.
Living here with others has worked much of the time. For months recently, during this period of the Great Fracturing, as Robert Wilkenson, my favorite astrology calls it, all my issues seem to be right at the surface. My foundation feels like it is ungrounded. The house focusit is taking me away from the work that I love to do.
On top of this, I am just starting to feel better after eight weeks of bronchial and chest issues that I am sure are emotionally related as well.
The better now and get ready go to the dentist. My morning thoughts had of fear attached to them.
How Do I create a new beginning in my life? More on this.
It is 7:47 am
I am editing this blog. I want to leave in 12 minutes. I am shaking inside.
I felt I needed a hug from my partner. Her room was locked. it is a cycle
when I am being called to stand on my own two feet in new ways. Everything that was holding me that is familiar seems to be breaking. Robert says this is to open up for new life.
WORKING WITH COMPLETION OF MY TAXES
I started to work with my taxes again yesterday. I turned in the numbers prematurely to my accountant.
I see more changes and have made some. I want to put in more time on this when I get home.
FEAR LESS AND GROUNDING GREEN
These are two FES ( Flower Essence Remedies) I am taking today.
WRITING STILL HELPS ME
Writing still helps me. My wrists are somewhat improved than they were a few months ago. That was a major concern.
7:52 am
THE BIGGER QUESTIONS
The Bigger questions need to be addressed. I still need a new housemate. I need to decide to be here or leave. Both decisions are difficult.
Clearly, I can't remain in the same mental place, as Mayah tells me. The issues are between my ears.
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