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Shock and Disappointment--Aug 2,2013
Telling the truth--aig 2, 2013
Date: 8/2/2013 9:41:42 AM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 611 times
DARK SIDE ISSUES ABOUT GOING...
ON THE JOURNEY 2013 to the National Heirloom Expo 2013
Thiis is what i worked on yesterday
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2089851
And Booked a flight:
That started to move my energy.
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2089760
Shock and disappointment
I. Have a headache. I am in bed, writing on my iphone. I would throw up, not clear why i feel this way, bit the stress i created for myself yesterday is enough tp have caised how i feeling.
My.body and the physical world around me are in charge now.
Pain is my teachee this morning..
WROTE
MC WORK I WANT TO DO AT THE NATIONAL HEIRLOOM EXPO
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2090304
NATIONAL HEIRLOOM EXPO
http://www.theheirloomexpo.com
SPEAKERS
http://www.theheirloomexpo.com/speaker-bios/
This is my page from Last year...into...
Aug 3
8:40 am
Fell into a state of psychic collaspe yesterday that lasted a few hours.
I was running various scenarios --playing them out. Each was followed by directives of steps and actions i needed to take to follow that idea. The living room right now has things that were the consequence of these various and conflicting choices, here a suitcase with my grinder for wheat and the tools i use that i rould nees to teach the children.
I followed and deliberately followed each and every impulse.Then, i would hit a wall, and remember again, why I had decided to abandon that course of action.
At one point, My body collapsed into a heap of tiired self confort as i layer in my version of a fetsl position in the EG mobile's bed in the sunshine. I straightened a blanket and put it where it belonged snd thdm tossed some trash into the black cans.
in doing these things in the EG Mobile, I was living out the preparation to drive to the National Heieloom Expo. I was driving to the expo myself, Then, i would remember fears that blocked this decision to drive myself, that included tinkling semsations runniing through my legs that come up when i drive long distancea. I cannot drive there. I need to fly.
Then i was feeling the collaspe of my rellationship to an event that i do each November in San diego. I have been racing, racing and leaving a trail of unfulfilled promised that go back to last year or more.
Then, in a late nighr blog i enter the name of the art work i need ro complete to remedy these unfulfilled promises, but now i am reminded that each idea i have must be followed by endless hours sitting. I do not have the deive or the will to do that; yes you do, leslie. Do it! Another voice says, sitting too long causes me pain, and kidney stones.
(Leslie, drink some water now, please. O.K. I will. 10:12 am)
The House
The house: itcis a heap of uncared for and neglected dreams od seeds planted and left to twnd for themselves. Here an abandoned fig sweltering screaming fior water, here weeds in a formwr pot dedicated to life, i will soak seeds and replant my plant your dream pot to carry in the eh mobile to the national heirloom expo. I soak the seeds as if i am going to tske them there. I will need this pot with me. The house: Is is the site of a lovely garden well tended and watered each day by one housemate. Thank you.
Phone calls Come Through
Then a number of phone calls come through. Later in rhe dsy to give me hope i can take the plane ride.
In the late evening, i am extremely depressed and hear myself saying i di not want to go at all.
In front of my eyes are plastic bins of past dreams in rhe rubble of papers some i would have the strsngrh to throw away now if i rouches them.
Antibiotic Misuse?
Suddenly, my mind is feeling into the mistake i may have made by not finishing my regimen of antibiotics for the tooth was was pulled last Monday.
What have i done in not completing the regimen? Oh no, i may have huet my chances of killing off the infection that was under the tooth in that hole the oral surgeon left. I was feeling better so i stopped.
Bacteria Super Bug Maker?
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2090300
Early Morning Saturday August 3, 2013
This early new day morning, i awaken in the light before dawn and see myself in a bright vision having a marvelous time
In my MC role at the expo.
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=2090304
I am traveling light.
I have one notebook, and i show images of what i would have brought with me iin the Eg mobile. I have given a list to eileen and she will bring me a two gallon pot so i can plant dreams on site.
I need to build up my immune system with healing mushrooms. I need to diacover how to replenish my holy body that has been my ally through hundreds mystifying czmpaigns where i have carried a torch into the dark.
I go to bed after writing.
I sleep. I am positive.
And then this! Suddenly i feel the most intense and immense consequence of all the shattering i did yesterday.
An energy result of fear felt, and debilitating emotions
erupts out of my body through my whole being. I am overcome in body sensations evoking excruciating physical and mental stress, and shock!
I am filled with the spectre of a gruesome pile over there that i have not touched that is must be eradicated.
How cam i cope with these body sensations?
They have come up from an unseen place inside me
From behind a wall. The swnsations burst out. I will do anything in my ability not to experiience such an unwelcome visitor.
What can i do? How can i honor such a nightmare of bodily stored and felt sensation?
And so i am laying here writing and moving my fingers that move through a life that has touched and can still express brilliance.
9:54 am
Saturday
Do i dare touch that box?
appearance was s
8:00 pm
Saturday August 3, 2013
I have worked at least eight hours today on a multitude on
blogs preparing for the Hational Heirloom Expo.
I sense I have made headway today, but I need to capture
what I have done and ground it in a notebook,
especially the materials I want to teach.
It is 8 pm and I am tired.
I just took two AminoActiv.
I am surprised how tired I am.
I guess I have not worked this many hours in a long time.
When it was nap time, I was processing fear again that came up
because I started to obsess over not being able to resize photos on
Plantyourdream.net.
I am still feeling old, and not sure how much I can ask.
I set intentions to go to the National Heirloom Expo the way I do today.
Here is that Art, but I question if it is not time for me to retire so to speak
from massive outlays of energy.
It is just a thought.
All I have to do is get on a plane.
It is the house that drains me, my immediate environment.
I come alive at conferences, or at least in the past I have.
What will I teach?
What did I work on today>
Much of it was with full focus and inspiration.
I cannot say what I worked on. I am too tired to remember.
Hopefully, I will remember tomorrow when I am fresh.
Can I go out tonight? There is an event I would like to experience.
Will it be healthy for me to be around the youth of our community?
8:06 pm
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