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Nightmare
Nightmare, I am up from a nightmare.
Date: 3/8/2010 11:35:44 AM ( 14 y ) ... viewed 1685 times
9:11 AM
March 9, 2010
Woke up very upset with how much I have to do.
This is deep, very deep.
I can hardly verbalize all of it.
It is as if I live in different worlds.
One world does not see what the other part of me is doing.
I keep running.
I get very hyped up with things,
filling my life with things that feel important
and possibly are important.
They a morning like this comes.
I am in period between sentences in the big
human race that has caught my life.
I start to see the pieces. There are so many of them.
I am able to experience a seemlessness at times,
between all the world's that consume me,
or I live in so to speak.
Last November I came home from a vital success
at the Pacific Symposium with such a success.
I came up with a dream that I wanted to translate
the seemlessness and great reception of my ideas
into my home life, where my life is in a physical
mess. I thought I could take on this mess.
I did my best. I took steps. Then I realized I could
not participate in what what calling me, so I pulled
back the mess I wanted to go through, that I had
moved into the living room, back into my office and bedroom.
I come from a hoarding lineage.
My room now looks too much like my father's
apartment to hide from my own insight.
My father is a bonefide hoarder.
I can hoarding tendencies.
The cleanup at home alone would be a full time job,
but I have put it on a back burner.
The organization and management of the house,
a community dwelling where more than I live,
profoundly asks for attention if I look at what
the needs are. There are communications that
are way out of sync. Things that need to be said.
Will all this said, I noted a few things I thought
would be priorities for this Monday, March 9, 2010.
Then, I fell back to sleep.
I had a real nightmare.
in the nightmare, there was a man who knew me.
He was a friend. He told me he worked down at the
El Cortez Hotel. He knew of my work in the world.
He was very supportive.
I did not connect that he worked at a hotel
where I had once lived. I skipped out of living there,
storing things in two rooms. I locked the rooms
and then went on to live my life elsewhere.
This man made it know to me, he pointed it out
that he worked there. He let me know that my
things were still stored there. He had been gracious
with me. Somehow he had made a garage or a storage
area and he was carrying the rent bill that covered my things.
It sunk in that he world at the hotel where I have lived
and paid rent. It was a moment of awakening, a big aha!
I attempted to write down his contact information to follow up,
but I could not hardly focus on writing his name in a way
that I could hold on to where I had writing the name.
The paper I was writing on had too many things on it.
It appeared I had a chance to go and look through my things
that I had left. I could go back and clear that space
that I had stored away in some closed off part of my life.
I felt really bad about these rooms of stuff I had left
from back there in the past. My life now was so full,
I could not even imagine how to deal with the stuff
I had left from the past, and still deal with what the
present, and the future was asking of me.
I had chosen all this.
I was the one in the drivers seat of my life.
I could feel the squeeze play.
It became very uncomfortable.
It was then I woke up.
I do not feel good about my life in this moment.
THIS MOMENT
It is a rare gift when I person can use their higher talents,
the talents that come easy. I have been using my higher
talents. I was shown one night numbers of weeks ago,
a vast series of dots in the world. The internet can do that.
The series of dots was terrifying. The more I googled,
the more I could see a big picture.
After being shown this big picture, I came to the conclusion
that we were in a state of national food emergency.
I felt like we were at the moment of that felt like
a Crystalnacht for Food, just as there has been a time
when the Nazis in World War 2 invaded Poland
and began the Final Solution.
Such a final solution in relationship to our food
is only possible because most of us do not see the dots.
We do not even know what food is intended to do
in relationship to human evolution.
RESPONDING TO THE STATE
OF FOOD EMERGENCY THAT I PERCEIVED
9:54 AM
I saw a state of national food emergency
a few weeks ago.
I was in a position to respond.
I did.
I believe we are in this state because
we live in pieces in this age.
One side of us, does not see what the other is doing,
or the possible consequences of our actions.
I do believe any one us are willfully
doing harm. I only know that I have it within my
ability to create a meaningful dialogue
on Science, Ethics, and Food.
I am scheduled to leave on Wednesday to
go up to the Natural Product Expo West.
I want to do a few things today that I have
promised myself that I would do.
I have funds to put in the bank.
I have a couple bills to pay that are critical.
I have a deposit to make that I have put aside.
There are a couple phone calls I want to make
to catch up with key allies. I invested a ton of
energy this year in some projects. Will they
bear fruit? I better ask.
I want to take a moment and send you love.
There may be one person in the world right now
who benefits from what I am saying in this blog,
beside me. Be well, dear friend. Everything is
going to be allright.
It would be great if I had three weeks
to get some completes. That would be healing,
but I do not have three weeks right now.
I want to make the most of this moment.
Leslie
STOPPED TO RESPOND TO AN EMAIL
VIA CUREZONE
Here is my response.
J,
How very curious.
I was making a little Youtube called
Certified Nuts before I went to bed,
and here first thing in the morning,
there is an email from you, that includes
some of the nuts I was writing about.
Re: the Blasto.
I have been on the run the three weeks,
but not having the Runs as normal.
I have learned to control my state of diarrhea
through a combination of two ayurvedic herbs
as well as applying disciples when I
really do not want to experience the diarrhea.
I have felt more control. A factor in this
control is that I also modify my diet.
I can produce an eruption when I eat an apple
and some other fragmented foods.
The last three or more weeks has been a profound healing
moment for me. I have been responding to a state of
national emergency that I feel exists now in regard
to food.
This is what I was writing this morning
as I stopped to read your email.
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1586514
This Plant Your Dream Blog
expresses what I have been doing
with my time.
http://curezone.com/blogs/fm.asp?i=1578350
How is it that the information about Blasto Hominis
caught your attention?
I am going to reprint my response to your email on my blog
here, but I will not say that it was you who wrote to me.
I would recommend that you contact
Nuva Yeetah via phone in Sedona if you want
assistance with this condition:
http://www.mission-ayurveda.org/index_files/mission_ayurveda_appointments.htm
I am also interested in knowing what remedies you have found
for this condition that work.
Thank You,
Leslie
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