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The Beginning Continues
Another day, another attempt and today I will win.
Date: 5/24/2009 10:15:28 AM ( 15 y ) ... viewed 63307 times Hello Friends,
Today is Saturday May 24, 2009. I started with my morning salt water flush and again....worked well. It is almost 11:00 am and I wanted to get an early start on writting you today because I am determined to get through this day successfully on the master cleanse. I figure I have you to answer to and that will help me get along well. I have done some light exercise today and plan on do a bit more later. I am feeling light and good about today on the cleanse.
I want to remind myself that ALCOHOL RUINS EVERYTHING. My poor emotional state has been a result of it. Depression sets in the next day or two after drinking. Also a feeling of being totally overwhelmed. I have prayed again today to a loving God to help me. I will be attending an online AA meeting at noon. Doing a 4th step has always been a burden. I start and stop. I feel like I have to write a book and then get overwhelmed in the process (the perfectionist I am).
The thought has crossed my mind lately that I should concentrate on the 4th step being about forgiving myself....asking myself or my higher person to forgive me. And then my children including my son that has died. I have a lot of guilt about my mothering. I don't feel that I did a very good job. I need my children to know that if I could do it all over again I would have been the mother they deserved and payed more attention to them and their needs and not so much my own.
I'm not sure what all I should say to myself. But with pen and paper in hand, it will come, I'm sure.
I was in Overeaters Annonomys years ago in the 80's and so I have really been aware of how I treat others. There are people I am pissed off at but I don't think there is such a long list of those I have offended. But concentrating on my children and the many wrongs I have done to myself seems like a good beginning and I won't stress today about what might have to come after that. ALCOHOL RUINS EVERYTHING! Being an out of controll eater isn't too far behind. Thanks for listening today. At the end of today I will be letting you know that today I have finally won.
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